My hands are full, but so is my heart...

Your Secret Name Read Along, Week 1

2011-01-07T00:09:00.001-06:00

I am joining Marla Taviano over at her blog for a book study of Kary Oberbrunner's Your Secret Name. Every Tuesday, we'll be discussing a couple of chapters from this wonderful book. And, yes, I know I'm a little late this week, but Joshua has been sick, and I've not been able to put him down long enough to get two thoughts together, never mind compose and type a complete blog post... *sigh* But I digress... This week, we read the Introduction, and the first two chapters. Here are a few of my thoughts so far...

I have grown up with many names... My birth name, for sure, but also many other Given Names, as Kary Oberbrunner calls them. Unloveable, Forgotten, Unimportant, Not-Quite-Good-Enough... The list is long and unimpressive. These names can define me, if I let them, which I oh-so-often do, or they can wither away in the light of our true name, the Secret Name by which God calls us. For many of us, we go our whole lives without learning that special name God has for us, and we lose out on the freedom and power that the gift of a Name brings. We become a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts, growing into that by which we are known. Once we can still ourselves and learn to listen, and to accept, the new, Secret Name that God has for each of us, we can begin to throw off all those things that were holding us back from becoming who God created us to be.

This all sounds great, right? Then, why is it just a little daunting to seek to discover that name for which we were born? Could it be that it's just a little safer to stay with that which we know, those names which we wear like a faded t shirt or worn jeans, which are comfortable but ill-fitting? Why are we afraid to shed the rags and don the wedding clothes? Because it is to a Feast that we are called, is it not? My prayer, as I wander though this book, is that I may come to the place where I throw off the rags of my Given Names, and embrace the beauty and Grace of God's Secret Name for me, as I set my eyes on the work he has for me to do, and on the Feast He has promised those who serve Him.

1000 Gifts for Today

2010-12-06T20:16:00.003-06:00

So many wonderful gifts to share today...

the first clean, white, ground-covering snow of the season
crisp, clear, still, sparkling air
superfans and silliness at high school basketball games
visits with cousins
the pure joy of a simple BIG hill and new snow
making birthday cake - from scratch
the gift, 16 years ago, of becoming a mother to one of the most amazing girls in the world
the warm, inviting scent of Indian food simmering on the stove
letting go of *my* ideas of a perfect day and letting it happen
being stunned and awe-struck by the beauty and complexity of my children

One Last Christmas

2010-12-03T10:40:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, it isn't about the presents at all. It's about Love. And community. And about celebrating Life.

This is a must-see video. Just make sure you have tissues handy. Matthew West, one of my favorite contemporary Christian artists, wrote this song in honor of a family who lost their little boy too soon, and the gift that his community gave to him just before he went to play with Jesus.

It is in moments like this that the Christmas miracle interweaves itself with Easter's joy. The coming of the Babe that came to give his life, who came to redeem the suffering, the pure wrongness of the death of a child. This little boy shouldn't have died. It wasn't meant to be that way. This certainly isn't what God intended for his parents. But the gift of that baby in the manger reminds us that God so loved the world... After all, He knows the heartbreaking soul-ache of this kind of loss. And He gave His Son so that we might live, and so that, one day, these parents might be re-united with their child, and the world will be made new again.

So, as we celebrate the Miracle this year, let us all take time to ponder the Sacrifice, and be thankful, joyful, and overwhelmed by Grace.

And There You Go...

2010-11-30T23:26:00.000-06:00

I made it. I did it. I completed 30 posts in 30 days, thus concluding another year's NaBloPoMo. I hope to continue posting fairly regularly in the days to come, even though the festivities have concluded. I must say that I have enjoyed the ride this year, although I didn't get the opportunity to post some of the things I had wanted to. Too much craziness around here... But that means that I still have some things to share, so I hope you will continue to read.

Thank you so much for playing along. I have enjoyed it. So stick around... I promise to keep writing. And, hopefully, I'll have something interesting to say, once in a while.

Thanks for reading. I appreciate each and every one of you. Even if there's just ONE of you. So, come back tomorrow. I'll still be here.

More 1000 Gifts

2010-11-29T22:51:00.000-06:00

a five-year-old who LOVES to vacuum with the borrowed Dyson
a feast of abundance and thanks
leftover pie
homemade whipped cream
the warm, savory scent of turkey stock simmering on the stove
"gravy planes" and other assorted silliness
grown-up talks with daughters
the expressions of baby's first tastes of food
anticipation of he season's first snowfall
planning for Christmas baking
planning for Christmas presents
reflecting on the meaning of Christmas
being thankful for Grace

Celebrate the Season - Advent Begins

2010-11-28T21:42:00.001-06:00

Today marks the first Sunday of Advent, the four weeks leading up to Christmas. It is a time of preparation, a time of waiting, when we quiet our hearts and await the coming of the Christ Child. We contemplate the sacrifice, the gift, of Love that was poured out for us that first Christmas morning so many years ago.

And, this year, I would like to share something wonderful with you - something I hope will bless you in a special way. Ann of A Holy Experience has graciously shared a labor of love for this season. Please, PLEASE, visit her blog and download a copy of her Jesse Tree Advent Devotional. It is meant to be a family activity, leading up to and preparing the way for us to celebrate the coming of the Baby Jesus. Ann's grace-filled words and gentle meditations will bless you and your family as you journey through these chaotic few weeks, and hr devotions will help your family remember the Reason for the Season.

Ann's blog has blessed me beyond words, encouraging, searching, and speaking to my heart. She has a gift, and she is sharing it with us. What a blessing she is!

So, please join me in this journey of hope and expectation. And may your Advent be blessed!

Randomness for Saturday

2010-11-27T23:30:00.001-06:00

Almost spaced posting today, so here is a bit of randomness to round out your weekend...

It's nice to live where it gets cold enough to use your back porch as an additional refrigerator.
It's not so nice when a child spies a critter attempting to nom the pumpkin pie.
The hue and cry when children discover said critter is an adorable long-haired tortie is tremendous, and
Certain of these children will beg to leave food out just in case the poor kitty is homeless.
Heartless Daddy will inevitably veto this idea.
Mommy will secretly hope that itty bitty cute kitty will return.
I have eaten entirely too much food this weekend.
My Advent Wreath is still in the basement. *blush*
I can't believe I'm almost done with another NaBloPoMo.
I can't believe my first baby turns Sweet 16 one week from today... *sniff*

And, on that note, I'll head off to bed... Enjoy the rest of your weekend, dear reader!

Looking Forward

2010-11-26T23:01:00.002-06:00

I've been doing a lot of reflecting, a lot of looking back, in the last few days. Today, I am beginning to look forward. As I gaze around my house at all the fall and harvest decorations, I get a little (okay, more than a little) nudgy that I need to take everything down and re-decorate for Christmas VERY soon. Yes. Christmas. I know that many of my friends have already begun the transformation in their own homes, but I am not usually that organized, together, or ready to get all Christmas-y before now. We usually like to get our December birthdays out of the way before we go all out, although, as Sarah has gotten older, she doesn't mind the crossover of seasons, so I have actually started decorating at the very beginning of the month, instead of waiting until mid-December.

But this Sunday heralds in Advent, the new year in the church (for liturgical churches such as ours). And I need to begin to move my heart towards Christmas, towards the celebration of the Christ Child. So, as I begin to pack away the pumpkins and the golden leaves and the cornucopia, I quiet my soul and turn my thoughts towards the manger. As I unpack the Advent Wreath and the candles, the greens and all manner of sparkly things, I also begin to prepare my heart for the coming season. For the wonder of it all, for the gift of new life, for the ultimate sacrifice that lay, wrapped and tiny, in a stall. I look forward to Grace, to God made man - the ultimate miracle.

And I quiet my heart, and prepare to wait. Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T22:49:00.001-06:00

The turkey has been gobbled up, the mashed potatoes ravaged, and the remainder of the meal put to rest, our bellies topped off with pie. The little ones are snugly wrapped in sleep, and the house begins to quiet itself for the night. It has been a day of plenty, a day of abundance. In a world where so many go without, we feast. We are blessed.

Blessed.

I have so much to be thankful for. Not just the basics, the things we take for granted - food, shelter, clothing, and all matter of modern conveniences... But security, hope, and, most of all, love. I am surrounded by love. The love of a wonderful husband, who puts up with far more from me than he ought. Seven precious children - there are few people who are blessed to be the mother to such a large brood. It is truly a gift that I cherish every day. Friends - far and near, on-line and in person. Love. I am surrounded by love.

As we tell our children the story of that First Thanksgiving so many years ago, I hope that I can somehow convey the passionate love and gratefulness that burned within the hearts of those first settlers - our ancestors, and that I, like them, may never take the simple things for granted. And, that I might hold dear the things that are really important, and never forget.

And be grateful, Those who sat in communion at that first great American feast knew Who was responsible for their bounty. May I also, with the honest zeal they showed, give thanks to God for everything He has given me, every moment of every day. And, like them, celebrate extravagantly in all His blessings.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Pie day

2010-11-24T23:40:00.006-06:00

Or, Eat Dessert First

Today, tradition, in my family, holds that we make pie. And, so I did. Apple, bourbon pumpkin, black and blue mango, and chocolate silk. The kids kept asking if we could eat the pies today Because, after all, it is Pie Day. And for a bit, I actually entertained the idea. The smell of warm crust and sweet fruit overwhelmed us with their heady aromas, and temptation had our mouths watering.

But reason prevailed, and the bounty of the dessert table will wait another day. So, I set my thoughts on tomorrow's feast, preparing my heart to rejoice as I count yet another year of blessings graciously bestowed to me.

And know that tomorrow, there will be pie.

Counting Down the Days

2010-11-23T23:54:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving preparations are beginning in earnest around here. We've got most of our shopping done (shocking, I know!!!), and the house is on the way to being presentable. The family room, I discovered, has berber carpet. *ahem* And Joshua is amazed by the spaces he now has to practice his new skills of crawling and cruising.

Unfortunately, the kids seem to have been hit by nasty germies this week. Boo. We are hoping and praying that it doesn't go any further than viral crud, and that everyone will feel more-or-less okay for the big meal, and that we can all rest and recover over the weekend.

But, here, in the waning hours of the day, I find myself struggling. I am struggling with all the busy-ness, with all that needs to be done, and with my complete and total lack of ability to get it done. Mostly, I have spent the day praying... No, that's not the right word... Begging. Yes, begging for Grace. As I see, in my mind's eye, all that needs to be done spiraling out of control, and things being forgotten or half-done, I get all frazzled trying to keep it all together. And it's just Thanksgiving dinner for our family - we're not even entertaining!

I need Grace to show me, to remind me, that all that I really need is to be thankful. To come to the table with a heart overflowing with gratitude and praise. Why, oh WHY, is that so hard? My voice has been raised far too many times today, out of sheer frustration at my own failures, rather than at anything anyone else has done (or not done). I need Grace to simply remember, to breathe. To let go of the perfection, and just be thankful for all the blessings I have.

Because, you see, I am blessed beyond measure, and for that, I am truly thankful.

My 1000 Gifts, Continued...

2010-11-22T23:21:00.001-06:00

the voices of children raised in holiday song
the ritual of hair cutting
remembering to stop and take a breath
oatmeal chocolate chip cookie dough
watching the weather change
praising Him for all the little blessings
third birthdays and a pink princess
homemade birthday cake, decorated by hand
a small girl curled up, asleep in surprising places
kitty kisses
the true beauty of a Kitchen Aid mixer
my favorite coffee mugs - a wedding gift - 19 years of warmth
relying on God's provision alone

Gearing Up

2010-11-21T23:57:00.000-06:00

This week is going to be crazy-busy. I'm not sure, exactly how everything is going to get done, and part of me is just waiting to see which big thing falls through the cracks. Not to mention all the small ones... But, through it all, I am going to make a really honest attempt o be thankful - to truly live my gratitude this week.

As the season of holidays and celebration approaches, won't you please join me in remembering the true reasons we celebrate - thankful for all His blessings, and mindful of the One True Gift... And always, always, thankful for Grace.

Hannah's Birth Story - Reposted, with pics

2010-11-20T13:02:00.000-06:00

Here is Hannah's birth story, as I posted it three years ago. Wow - has it really been that long??? Happy Birthday, Sweet Girl! Mommy loves you very much!!!

We had just gotten into bed about 20 minutes before, and I felt what I first thought was a big kick, Except that it also kind of went "POP" on the inside. So out of curiousity, I went into the bathroom, and lo and behold, there was a gush into the toilet. So I walked back over to the bed and told Brian - "Don't go to sleep yet - I think my water just broke." He had JUST started to snore...

So at about midnight I called the MW to let her know I was coming in. The ctx were coming about every 6 minutes, and were stopping me in my tracks. By the time we got to the hospital (15 minute trip) they were 4 minutes apart. Went to the ER to be admitted, and from there to a triage room in L&D. I felt awful by this point, The ctx were basically one on top of the other, and I would get a break only about every 3-4 ctx. I was 5cm and 80%, 0 station when they checked me, which kinda upset me, b/c I thought I'd be further along than that, b/c by now I was shaking - you know, like how you get during transition. So the MW finally gets there about 20 mintues later, and when SHE checked me, I was 7 with a tiny bit of lip. Wow. So she sent the nurse to the tub room to start filling it for me.

Oh - and while all this is going on in triage, Brian has to disappear several times back down to admitting, to re-fill out all the paperwork, b/c they apparently lost the stuff that I sent in. And the girl at the desk couldn't read or spell, b/c he kept having to go back down to fix mistakes. It took them 3 tries to get our name spelled right - which was a continuing theme of the night. Had to have our bracelets redone 3 times.... But I digress...

So I finally get into the room, and get into the tub. Ladies, I HIGHLY recommend laboring in water. O.M.G. It was the best thing EVER. (Of course I've never had an epidural, though... ) I started out just sitting. But the MW kept telling me to listen to my body, and I eventually got down into a squat, kind of leaning on the side of the tub. It was just the most absolutely wonderful thing to be able to move however I needed to. So completely different from any of my other labors... The water was warm, and just soooooo relaxing.

The MW wanted to check me - she could tell I was getting close, and I asked her to check me before I got out of the tub. Didn't want to leave my tub... So she did, and said that I just had one little bit of lip left. She thought I should get out and push, and that it wouldn't take too much.

So I did. I got to the bed, and didn't even bother putting a gown back on. She told me to find a comfortable position, so I got on my hands and knees, leaning on the head of the bed. And slowly started to push. It was all on my own time - no counting, just me bringing her down. Now, this is where it got bad. I have this nerve bundle that goes wacky when I push. It makes my right butt cheek cramp, and my right foot go numb. And it hurt MORE to push through that pain than to actually push the baby out. So I kept having to stop, and wait for it to get bearable. She was actually crowning when I had to stop. I waited through 3 more ctx, slowly grunting little pushes, until she was right there, and I could finally push through it. 3 intense pushes later, and she was born, with me still on my hands and knees. And I didn't tear. AT ALL. Almost 9 pounds of baby, and an intact perenium. I love my midwife... And it was wonderful to push her out that way. Kinda strange looking, I imagine, but it worked. They passed her up through my legs, and I flipped over, and I got to cut the cord. It took her about 10-15 minutes of her just sniffing at my breast, but then she latched on and nursed for about 20-30 minutes. Her APGARs were 8 and 9, I think.

It was the most wonderful birth experience I could have ever asked for. First and foremost, it was FAST. 2 1/2 hours, start to finish. Love that. My MW was great. No IV, pain meds, or interventions. No complications. No back labor. And no tearing. It was truly a miracle.

I want to thank each and every one of you for all of your support, prayers, and PTs throughout this last year - through the miscarriage, my pregnancy, and now, this miraculous birth. You will never know how much it has all meant to me. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart. You are the best.

I cannot believe how fast the days have flown by. It seems like just yesterday that she was just this small. Now, she's turning three, talking of being a princess and opening "pink presents." I'll post pics of her celebration in the coming days. In the meantime, I'll be enjoying these moments, caught in the whirl of pink, candles, presents, and joy.

The remembering begins...

2010-11-19T22:49:00.000-06:00

Three years ago tonight, at just about his time, I was getting ready for bed, when I felt a POP. And, not too much later, my 6th baby was born. But that's a post for tomorrow... Tonight, I simply remember.

I remember the waiting, the anticipation. How the passage of time alternated between where-did-nine-months-go and I'm-not-quite-ready-there's-still so-much-to-do. I remember the heavy, ripe feeling of physically being great with child, and the amazement of having done this a sixth time. I remember the impatience of everyone else to get on with having the baby (we've got a holiday to plan, after all), and my own willingness (stubbornness?) to be still and wait. And wait. Four days after time was up I waited, patiently. And I remember the hopes and dreams... The wonder, the joy, and the trepidation. And the awe.

On the eve of my daughter's third birthday, I remember the gift - the most precious gift I have ever been given. The gift of becoming someone's mother. ♥

Thankful Thursday

2010-11-18T14:12:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking that I may merge this, and make it a part of my 1000 Gifts. But I will keep this format during the month of November, because it's all about being thankful this month. With my life beginning to spin with the crazy-business that characterizes this time of year for so many of us, I quiet my heart to sit and be grateful for my gifts...

the warm, heady scent of spiced pumpkin wafting from the oven
fuzzy baby heads
toddler hugs
"I love you, Mommy"
chili and cornbread on a raw November night
the health and happiness of my family
realizing that my kids are going to be really cool adults
the way toddlers sing their stories while playing
laughter around a full kitchen table
busy schedules and the energy to meet them

Speaking of schedules... One week from today is Turkey Day! I'm going to try to be extra aware of my blessings, gifts, and reasons to be thankful in the coming days, in the midst of all the running and preparations. I truly do have so much to be thankful for.

Blogging in an Age of Tweets

2010-11-17T22:42:00.000-06:00

I have not yet begun tweeting, although I must admit, I've been tempted, and I probably will get myself a Twitter account one of these days. And probably sooner, rather than later. I'm mostly hung up on choosing an ID - do I go simple, with just my name, or do I try for a cutesy and memorable tagline? It's such a permanent, public thing, and causes me lots of angst. Such is the stuff of decision-making in my little brain...

There is something attractive about the pithy one-line updates we have come to expect from Twitter's tweets and Facebook status updates. Something about life distilled into its purest moments, about a few, well-chosen words, about eliminating the superfluous and concentrating on that which really matters. Life, in 140 characters or less.

Or have we simply gotten lazy? It's hard to have a REAL conversation in the midst of these sound-bytes. It's easy to just skim over the surface, hit the high points, and move on to the Next Big Thing that captures our attention. I suppose that it's a good discipline to have to be able to make your point in 140 characters, but it also leaves little room for contemplation. Have we reduced our lives to merely a written play-by-play?

It has gotten harder for me, the more I use Facebook, with it's similarly concise Status updates, even to think in a more complex pattern. So often, I find myself trying to fit my life into short, neat pieces rather than taking the time to really delve into things. Why waste 1000 words when less than 200 will do?

Why?

Because we're missing out on true conversation. True listening. True interaction. True caring. All the pressure to keep things nice and tidy and short and antiseptic has helped to stunt our attempts to reach out in a meaningful way. It's almost as if we've become afraid of the interaction and investment required to nurture a relationship. One of the reasons I have neglected this blog is that it's simply easier to jot down a line or two on Facebook than to unload my soul on this page. And, when you can read all about the micro-events of anyone's day, what makes you want to come read a whole long post about the same things?

Perhaps, in addition to the short snippets of life we get through the marvel of social networking, we need to sit down and engage in something more. Complete more then just a thought. I am the first to admit that I am far too guilty of allowing these snippets to control my interactions far too often. And far too eager not to have to put forth the effort required to have a real conversation. To write, and to listen. To exchange ideas. To pour heart and soul into something more than a couple of one-liners.

I recognize the need to write. To expound. To fully explore and discuss a topic. To accord something more importance than a pithy text box. Civilized, educated people talk. They debate. They wax poetic, and have dialogues. I need to become one of them, again. I miss words. I miss the freedom to use LOTS of words. And I have decided to write.

Will you join me?

Giveaway!

2010-11-17T12:58:00.000-06:00

Remember my new favorite diaper? Well, My Coupon Mommy of 3 is hosting a giveaway for a $10 gift certificate to Andrea's shoppe. All you have to do is fill out the form HERE, follow the instructions, and be entered for your chance to win! But you have to hurry... The contest ends tomorrow!

I'll be back with my regular post in a bit. Two posts in one day... Don't get too used to that!!! *grin*

Good luck!

A New Season Begins...

2010-11-16T23:59:00.000-06:00

We ushered in a new season here in our house - basketball season. Two seasons of basketball, to be exact. (Well, it could be three, if Robbie ever decides to actually complete and turn in his work... But that's another story, entirely... *gah*) Sarah is playing Varsity Girls, and Nathan is playing 7th-8th grade Boys. And this is going to present a myriad of logistical challenges. Any of you who have multiple children who participate in multiple activities understand, but this is really our first venture into after-school-activity multitasking. Up to now, we've managed one child per season, or at least two children in the same activity, so we've been able to keep the chaos under control. No more. My head is already spinning...

Tonight we got to watch Nathan play in his first game. He got only a couple of minutes of playing time, though, because yesterday was his first practice. Rehearsals for the play overlapped with the beginning of basketball season, so he missed about 3 weeks of practice and three games. We tried to work out a way for him to do both, but just couldn't get everyone on the same page. He thoroughly enjoyed performing, though, so I think he's come to terms with the sacrifice. He is looking forward to throwing himself completely into basketball, now, and if his performance tonight was any indication, he's going to have a great season once he gets a few more practices under his belt. A natural scrapper, that one...

Sarah's first practice was just yesterday, and her first game isn't for a couple of weeks. I don't think they have games that overlap. The middle school boys' season ends before Christmas, while the varsity goes until February. So we just have to work out the two different practice schedules, but only for a couple of months. I am blessed, though, to have a friend who will pick up whichever child (or children) from school and deliver them home that we can't get to. Which is such a nice gesture, because this angel enabled me to be able to go with brian to see Nathan play tonight. Sometimes, it's the littlest things that mean the most.

So, if you notice me running around like a crazy person these next couple of months, you'll understand why. Oh - you can also add in three birthdays, many school music performances, a couple of major holidays, a full church schedule, and all the ensuing madness that normally comes with this time of year... Yeah. That's me, the funny-looking mommy with the mismatched socks, always running just a step or two behind. And if you happen to run into me, a little bit of grace would be greatly appreciated. Because I'm gonna need it. Grace, and a good, stiff drink.

My 1000 Gifts, Continued...

2010-11-15T11:12:00.000-06:00

Five blessed hours of uninterrupted sleep
Fuzzy socks
My Keurig coffee maker
Seasonal creamers
Homemade cinnamon rolls
Homemade spaghetti and meatballs
Toddler ponytails
Long baby eyelashes
Requests for "Pink Presents"
Being inspired by wise words
Watching a child reach, stretch themselves, and succeed
Afternoon craziness and cascades of giggles
Roses on the kitchen table
Having "just enough" become abundance
The aroma of vanilla

So Much for a Day of Rest...

2010-11-14T23:48:00.000-06:00

Sunday is supposed to be a Sabbath, a time away, a time to rest. But today... Not so much around here. The kids were still on a bit of a high from the play (both performers and viewers), so we had LOTS of energy abounding all over the place. And because we never properly celebrated Amanda's birthday back in July (due to her travel arrangements for her mission trip to Tanzania with my parents), I had planned today as her "birthday" - complete with THESE homemade cinnamon rolls for brunch, spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, and chocolate cake with homemade frosting. of course, to end the evening.

But, as I was putting the finishing touches on the cinnamon rolls after church, Brian called me and told me that he had a pastoral emergency to attend to, and he wouldn't be home for a while. So, I began the dinner preparations and fed the kids brunch while he dealt with the immediate aftershocks of the suicide of a terminally ill neighbor/friend of a parishioner. Ministry sometimes isn't pretty. This was one of those days when I am glad that much of my work goes on behind the scenes. I prayed for him while I held down the (rather rambunctious) fort.

He returned a while later, and walked in to the warm scent of sweetness and cinnamon. He thanked me, saying that it was nice to be greeted by something other than the smell of death. You do get these strange little insights in our line of work. I was just thankful that I was able to be his safe place today.

I finished up the cake and started the frosting, and sat down to nurse Joshua before Brian and I headed out to Walmart for our Sunday grocery shopping run. Got that errand done and hurried home to finish dinner and decorate the cake. A couple of hours later, spaghetti, sauce, meatballs, and garlic bread completed, we sat down to enjoy Amanda's favorite meal. Everyone ate their fill, and then, we had cake. We sang to Amanda, even though it was months after the fact. But her eyes shone, and she clearly appreciated being remembered.

All through the fabric of this busy, hectic day ran the thread of the sorrow of the other family. In stark contrast to the loud, boisterous joy that was radiating through this house, was the knowledge that there was, just across town, another family, suffering unimaginable grief. As I sit, writing this, my feet ache and my back is stiff. But I am thankful that I have the opportunity to be busy, and tired. Because I know, I know that others do not have that luxury. So, I go to bed, this evening, exhausted and sore, but also humbled and with a heart full of gratitude for all of the blessings in my life.

I am truly blessed.

The Fearsome Pirate Frank

2010-11-13T23:46:00.001-06:00

I had the honor of watching Sarah and Nathan perform in the Rivermont Collegiate fall production of The Fearsome Pirate Frank on Friday and Saturday nights. They did a wonderful job, and everyone enjoyed the show immensely. It is always a joy for a parents to watch their children perform, and this was no exception. Nathan is a stage veteran (having had a major role in last spring's production), and takes to acting like a fish to water. This was Sarah's first foray onto the stage, and she shone, as well. I thoroughly enjoyed getting to see them having so much fun.

I just wish Nathan would have been more agreeable to getting his hair cut prior to the show... *sigh*

Hoist the sails, ye scalawags!

Pirates

Swabbing the deck

Nascar Scene-stealer

Zombie pirate

Curtain call

Time for Random BlogThings Quizzes

2010-11-12T23:45:00.003-06:00

I started out with all kinds of good blogging intentions today, but after watching Sarah and nathan perform in the school fall play this evening, I didn't really have it in me to compose a witty, fun, or insightful post. So here, for your Friday night entertainment, are a couple of silly quizzes. Enjoy!

WHAT COLOR SHOULD YOUR BLOG BE?

Your Blog Should Be Blue

Your blog is a peaceful, calming force in the blogosphere.

You tend to avoid conflict - you're more likely to share than rant.

From your social causes to cute pet photos, your life is a (mostly) open book.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

THE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE ORACLE

You Are Easygoing and Forgiving

Your sense of humor is goofy and silly. You try to never hurt people with your jokes.

You are the type of person who is more life smart than book smart. You are creative and intuitive.

You have fun when you're doing your favorite things. You know what you like.

You are an ideas person. You aren't great on execution, but you're good at brainstorming.

The Chocolate Chip Cookie Oracle

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

Thankful Thursday

2010-11-11T23:13:00.000-06:00

I'm having a hard time with this one today. Life has handed me the kind of day you just want to give back, and try again for another. But I have been imploring God all day yo help me be thankful. And, at last, as bedtime fast approaches, I think I finally have the perspective I need. So, here is this week's Thankful Thursday list...

I'm thankful for:

hot showers
leftovers
early bedtimes for small children
those who have served and continue to serve this great country, and their families
the interconnectedness of ministry, and
the ripples of one simple act of kindness
the Grace to see beyond the anxiety of the moment
peace

And, on that note, I'm more than ready for this day to be done. And I look forward to tomorrow, a new begining.

Wishing you peace this evening.

Wordless Wednesday ~ My Littlest Faces

2010-11-10T22:46:00.000-06:00

Hannah

Joshua

Pure bliss

I fully realize that my camera skills and editing software are sorely lacking. And while composing this post, I realized I haven't taken enough pics, lately - even bad ones. But I hope you enjoy them, anyway! And I promise to take more pictures, and share them with you in the very near future!

Wow. It's only Tuesday.

2010-11-09T23:30:00.000-06:00

I need to stop and take a breath. Why is it that life just seems to ramp up to an intensity that requires a turbo-charged, super-venti double espresso just to keep up? Of course, since I am still Joshua's primary food source, I just say no to caffeine, but I still feel the non-stop rush all the same. I just have to work harder to stay awake. And we haven't even gotten to the official start of the Holiday season, yet.

**breathe**

As I look through the pages of my calendar, the days that have nothing noted on them are becoming few and far between. I was complaining about this to someone, who told me (without much sympathy) that perhaps, I ought to have thought about that before I decided to have seven kids. But, you know, the scary thing is that MOST of this stuff involves just the oldest three. Yeah. So, it's not like I'm any busier than your ordinary-sized American family. And, each of my kids has only one after-school activity at a time. So, apparently, it could be much worse. Yikes.

**breathe**

So, with all of the craziness yet to come, I can find myself wrapped up in worry and hurry and go go go. Or I can choose peace. Of course, I also know that choosing peace might mean that I will need to make choices. Either I need to be very organized, or I have to be okay with things not being perfect. Choosing peace means that I need to let go of my expectations, and concentrate on just being. On enjoying the moment. On preparing my heart for the coming of the Christ Child, and opening my soul to the wonder of each new day.

But that will take Grace. Lots of Grace. And lots of stopping to just

**breathe**

I pray for the grace to remember to simply be present for my children, my husband, and myself in these next few weeks. To have the strength and energy to get everything done, but also for the patience to see the Big Picture. To not sweat the small stuff. And to be thankful for it all. But through it all, to remember, in the end, Whom I serve, in all I do. Amen. Come, Lord jesus.

One Thousand Gifts

2010-11-08T17:48:00.000-06:00

Today, I am beginning a journey. I am going to journal with you 1000 Gifts that I have been given - things that I am thankful for, things I enjoy, the little things that so often pass by unnoticed - moments inspired by that which makes my heart sing. Ann of A Holy Experience is the inspiration behind it - you can read more about it HERE. I am still not quite sure exactly how I am going to journal these - if it will be a weekly compilation, a daily thing, or something not yet evolved. But stay tuned, and hopefully, be inspired to join and create your own 1000 Gifts!

the smell of fallen leaves
stolen moments of quiet
the warm light of an Indian Summer afternoon
the fluffy softness of a clean diaper fresh out of the wash
the curl in the back of David's hair
cold water with crushed ice
the smell of fresh popped corn
the deep, rich, black color of the Iowa fields after they have been plowed under
toenail polish (although I rarely have mine done)
the pre-dinner-time cacophony

I am beginning this journey now, to prepare my heart for Thanksgiving, and as a meditation on the coming season of Advent. Please feel free to add your won, in the comments, or on your own blog. Feel free to leave a link, so I can share your list, too.

Have a blessed day!

I sing a Song of the Saints of God...

2010-11-07T14:33:00.000-06:00

I sing a song of the saints of God,
Patient and brave and true,
Who toiled and fought and lived and died
For the Lord they loved and knew.
And one was a doctor, and one was a queen,
And one was a shepherdess on the green:
They were all of them saints of God, and I mean,
God helping, to be one too.

They loved their Lord so dear, so dear,
And his love made them strong;
And they followed the right for Jesus' sake,
The whole of their good lives long.
And one was a soldier, and one was a priest,
And one was slain by a fierce wild beast:
And there's not any reason - no, not the least,
Why I shouldn't be one too.

They lived not only in ages past,
There are hundreds of thousands still.
The world is bright with the joyous saints
Who love to do Jesus' will.
You can meet them in school, or in lanes, or at sea,
In church, or in trains, or in shops or at tea,
For the saints of God are just folk like me,
And I mean to be one too.

Singing this song on All Saints Sunday always makes me smile. It's a good Anglican song, full of nostalgia and hope, full of faith and remembrance. And above all, childlike faith and logic. The simple reminder that although there are Great Saints who have gone before us, each one of us is, in our own right, a Saint, too. It doesn't take any special power - no miracles necessary... Just childlike faith and the belief that through Jesus, we can accomplish all things. And when we truly begin to live out our faith, miracles do happen. So, will you join me? Will you be a Saint?
And I mean to be one too.

HAPPY ALL SAINTS SUNDAY!!!!!!

Hymn text by Lesbia Scott Listen to the tune HERE - although the lyrics on this site aren't the original ones, it is the tune I grew up with. And check out the BOOK, which does give the stories of all the saints referenced in the song, just in case you are ever curious about who exactly it was that was killed by a fierce wild beast...

Random Thoughts Saturday

2010-11-06T22:41:00.001-05:00

As I sit here bouncing a not-remotely-tired 7 month old on my knee, please indulge me in a little bit of randomness.

I am excited by the return of cold weather - in no small part because the size of my fridge/freezer swells to the size of my back porch.
I would make cinnamon rolls every single weekend if I had the willpower to not eat them.
Which brings me to the fact that I am insanely envious of those lucky women who lose weight effortlessly while breastfeeding. I am not one of them.
It is a pet peeve of my husband's that most people confuse jealousy with envy. Jealousy is when you are protective of something that is rightfully yours. Envy is when you desire something that is not already yours.
Sometimes, I still slip and confuse the two, myself. With ensuing eye-rolls from my husband.
After receiving impassioned pleas from two sides of our families to come home for various celebrations and holidays, I wish we lived closer to our families.
I wish our families would visit us more often.
I am looking forward to the holiday season, in spite of missing everyone.
I am already planning holiday menus. I think I gained 5 pounds just perusing recipes.
I would love to get paid to cook, but I don't think I could stand working in a restaurant.
I'm still trying to talk myself out of starting a batch of cinnamon rolls for tomorrow morning. It's almost 11 pm.
I am praying that the kids sleep in and let me take full advantage of that extra hour of sleep. I doubt it, though. Maybe I ought to start those rolls after all...

What's That Sound? Oh Wait... It's Quiet!

2010-11-05T23:12:00.000-05:00

Yes. It's going to be a (relatively) quiet weekend around here. The two older boys are off in The Big City visiting their cousins, having the time of their lives with Uncle Jon, I am sure. And that leaves me with only five kiddos until Sunday. Okay - I know that sounds weird. And, to many of you, the idea that having only five kids in the house could be anything close to quiet just sounds absurd. But trust me - it's the God's honest truth. Especially when the two missing are tween boys. If you have ever experienced 10-12 year-old boys, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

I guess I don't really pay attention to just how much noise boys make until they aren't here. The house seems completely different in their absence. Boys really are, to quote the saying, "a loud noise covered in dirt." This isn't a bad thing, but the sheer force of it came as a bit of a shock after having two girls, both of whom were fairly rough-and-tumble themselves. But nothing prepared me for the perpetual motion that is a boy. Their energy and persistence never cease to amaze me. They are little firecrackers - always loud and full of surprises. And just when you least expect it, sweet, and kind, and gentle.

So I will enjoy the relative quiet and calm for the next two days, while my older sons wrestle, shoot Nerf guns, eat guy-food, and otherwise expend some of that boundless energy with my brother and his two male offspring. I'm sure they will come back with memories and stories enough to last a lifetime. And their return will bring with it an end to the calm, but also a renewing of life and energy, along with the spark behind their impish smiles.

Thankful Thursday

2010-11-04T22:58:00.002-05:00

I'm starting a new thing here on my little blog. I was inspired by the many Thankfulness memes that always make their way around the blogosphere this time of year, but most recently by A Holy Experience's Thousand Gifts, which I intend to start, as well. Ann has set Mondays as the day for sharing this, though. Stay tuned, as I follow through with my own Thousand Gifts. But you can never reflect too much on your blessings, can you, in this season of Thanksgiving?

So here is my list of random things I am thankful for today:

the golden, red, and mottled leaves breathing their last
the smell of spaghetti sauce simmering on the stove
leftover donuts
decaf coffee with flavored creamer
hidden chocolate
baby snuggles
newly wavy hair
toddler dress-ups
the sounds of laughter echoing down the hall

So, what are YOU thankful for? Take some time this season to ponder your blessings with me. Share with me in the Comments, or feel free to continue the meme on your own. And come back next Thursday for more Thankful Thursday musings.

And Another Day Gets Away From Me...

2010-11-03T22:56:00.000-05:00

I actually had two post possibilities lined up for today, but neither one materialized. Somehow, my camera just never migrated from the kitchen counter into my hand to capture the precious moments of Joshua's first tentative attempts at crawling forward, which would have made for a precious Wordless Wednesday post. Nor did I finish the more profound work-in-progress I had titled and partially composed on my computer screen for most of the day. But rest assured that I do intend to finish, and publish, BOTH posts, and hopefully, sooner, rather than later.

But I am here, writing. And I have been thinking about writing all day. Well, thinking about it in between diaper changes, diaper rash, drooling, bumped heads, sippy cups, nap time, avoiding laundry and various other mundane household tasks, and all the other things that keep me going throughout the day. But that, my friends, is life, is it not? Instead of documenting my day, I spent it with my children, getting down and dirty amidst the crumbs on the floor, wondering to myself if I was really doing enough.

So I apologize for not having any particular pearls of wisdom to share this evening. I hope it won't keep you, dear reader, from returning. I can't promise to be brilliant every single one of these 30 days, but I do promise to be here.

See y'all tomorrow.

I voted.

2010-11-02T18:17:00.000-05:00

I exercised my right and privilege as an American citizen, on this beautiful fall day, to vote. It took all of about 15 minutes, start to finish. I must say I was impressed by the new registration technology - all done on laptops and mini-printers. Very high-tech for this little corner of the world, and a very far cry from the days of big paper rolls that the poll workers had to flip through.

And I'm eternally grateful that all those irritating robo-calls have stopped, and that my mailbox and front door will no longer be crammed full of paper missives that were immediately ignored and summarily tossed into the recycle bin. Well, done at least until after the first of the year, anyway. Here in Iowa, we are so lucky to host the all-important Caucuses, which are an interesting political oddity in their own right. But it means that we are subjected to an almost never-ending stream of political campaigning and all the fun that goes with it. *insert eye-rolling smilie here* If you doubt me, begin paying attention to the stream of political personalities who will begin to schedule tips to the Hawkeye State in the coming months. It's unreal...

But I remain thankful that I live in this great nation, where I am encouraged to express my opinion and to keep my leadership accountable. But whether or not those whom we elect to govern even intend to listen to the will of the people is an entirely different post for an entirely different day...

So THANK YOU to all of you who voted today. Even if you aren't happy with the way your specific elections turned out, be grateful for the opportunity, and remember those who sacrificed to give you that voice.

God Bless America.

And Here We Go!!!

2010-11-01T20:43:00.000-05:00

It's November. And you know what THAT means... The holidays are just around the corner. There's way too much Halloween candy still calling your name. And NaBloPoMo. Yes, I'm attempting, again, this year, to blog every day for the entire month. I can't promise that you'll get a profound tidbit each time, but I promise to try to at least be coherent. :)

I have discovered that, even though I don't really have time, my life just seems to work better when I get to write. So, I'm writing. And I'm happy that you're here to read. Just don't come knocking on my door, because I'm afraid the housekeeping might just have been knocked down another rung on the priorities ladder. Unless you don't mind stepping over piles of assorted toys, discarded coats, and weeks-old cheerio crumbs. In that case, come on in!!

However, I think you'll find yourself much more comfortable pulling up your chair and sitting in my virtual family room, reading my blog. So pour another cup of coffee, and settle in. It's gonna be a great month.

Changing Things Up

2010-10-22T23:56:00.000-05:00

I thought that since I am making a new start in my blogging life, that my blog ought to reflect that as well. I haven't altered my look since I started this venture about three and a half years ago, and things were beginning to feel a bit stale.

Please excuse the dust while I update and refresh my little corner of the blogosphere. And feel free to comment on what you like, or don't like. There are a whole realm of options out there, now, that just weren't around when I started this thing, and it might take me a bit to settle on something that feels right. But with NaBloPoMo quickly approaching, I thought it was a good time for a change.

But I think I like it so far. So, what do YOU think?

My New Favorite Diaper

2010-10-21T08:04:00.004-05:00

A few months ago, a WAHM store on HyenaCart was looking for a few moms willing to test out a new style of cloth diaper at a reduced price. And, since I am always on the lookout for a bargain, and I had a new baby boy, I thought I'd give it a try. I had bought a newborn diaper from this mama and LOVED it, so I was excited to try this new, trim style. Andrea, of My Diaper Addiction, has designed what is, in my opinion, pretty close to the perfect fitted diaper. Her SkinnyButt diapers are soft, trim, and super-absorbant. And did I mention soft? And TRIM???

She created the pattern to fit slender babies, but it fits my guy wonderfully, even with his chunky thighs. I really like the trimness in the crotch - VERY absorbent, without a lot of bulk. And she has lots of super-cute prints. :) And her sizing is generous, which means you can get lots of life out of each size. Joshua is 17.5 lbs at 6 months, and is still wearing a small. I will go up to a medium for my next purchase, though. But I imagine that will see us through until potty training. Like all fitteds, they do require a cover, but these are so thirsty that it's my first one I reach for when we go coverless at home. The only bad thing I have to say about these diapers is that Andrea lives in Canada, which means you'll have to wait 2-3 weeks for your fluff to arrive. But they are totally worth the wait. I'm currently saving my pennies for a couple of customs. Andrea is so easy to work with, and I already have a couple of prints picked out...

So, head over to My Diaper Addiction and have a look around. She has several other styles available - Newborns, One-size, and Fattycakes (for chubsters). But keep your hands off the Med. Choo-choo. That one is mine. :D

My Diaper Addiction didn't in any way compensate me for this. She had no idea I even wrote this! Just another one of Andrea's satisfied customers...

Gotta Brag... Shameless Promotion of Oldest Son

2010-08-27T15:27:00.004-05:00

After a rough couple of years (beginning with THIS), I think we finally have our Nathan back. He has come so far since his accident, and I am so proud of his newfound strength, sense of self, and maturity (or what passes for maturity in a 12 year-old boyr... LOL).

For one of his summer reading books this year, he chose The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. And, for his 7th gade English class project, they had to be booksellers promoting their chosen work. Part of the assignment was to create a visual aid for use in their presentation. After much angst and a couple of not-so-successful ideas, he hit upon the concept of building a scene from the book out of Legos, of which we have about 1,459,642 spread all over the basement playroom (mostly on the floor - OUCH!). Then, since one of the things he had wanted to do earlier was to make a movie (using his friends), he decided to then film a scene, using the Lego people as actors. Using stop-motion technique, with a Flip camera, and rudimentary iMovie editing, he came up with this:

Tom Sawyer Fence-Painting Scene

And, then, since he was having so much fun, he did another scene:

Injun Joe - Graveyard scene

And yeah - the focus isn't perfect, and there is the distracting background noise of large-family life. But I loved watching him work on this project. He had a great time. and I enjoyed watching him shine. And he *really* did glow. And, what do you think? I've got a potential film-maker, definitely a ham, and most importantly, a kid who is enjoying learning once again. ♥ I am blessed, indeed.

Wordless Wednesday ~ First Day of Kindergarten

2010-08-25T22:21:00.004-05:00

David, my 5th-born, takes his first fledgling steps into the Great Big World...

Joshua's Birth Story

2010-04-14T13:04:00.015-05:00

I had an appointment with my midwife at 8:30 Friday morning - April 2nd. We left the office at 11. Long story short, I walked out of there with plans to be induced Saturday morning at 6 am... Not in my original plan...

I go in for the NST (Non-Stress Test - which I have been having weekly since 36 weeks, due to my *ahem* advanced age), and they have a new girl doing it. She can't seem to get a good read on the HB, and won't let me show her where a good spot is. So, even though the baby is moving around, the HB isn't registering much. The tech leaves with a look of panic on her face, and gets the mw. They send me back to the waiting room to wait for the appt. Waiting... Waiting... And then, a girl comes in with an emergency (we *think* she was losing a baby - which kind of puts things in perspective for us).

So, everything kind of stops while they see her, and take her to u/s. After about 20-30 minutes, the nurse comes back to me and tells me that they are waiting for u/s to clear, and that's what's taking so long. I look confused, and she asks me if they told me I was having an u/s. I told her, no, they told me I was waiting to see Beth (the mw). So, I ask her if there's a problem, and she says, well, Beth will talk to you about that, but you are having a BPP (bio-physical profile - basically, to see if the baby is still doing well inside). But, first, we need to take your BP, b/c it was high on Tuesday. Yeah. And THIS news is going to make it much lower, now... *sigh*

So, we wait. And wait. And wait some more... Hannah and David are starting to get antsy... FINALLY, they take me back into a conference room, and Beth comes in. She explains that the baby wasn't very reactive for part of the NST, so b/c my BP was high, they want to to the BPP. I ask how the rest of the tests were (because my BP had been up on Tuesday, Beth had ordered a battery of tests, convinced that I had pre-eclamsia, even though I had no other signs), and she tells me everything was normal. DUH... But she is obviously distracted by what's going on with the other girl, and can't remember the details of my appt earlier this week. So, she tells me they want to take my BP and send me to u/s. So, they put me in a little room, and take my BP - it's HIGH - 157/98 - GO FIGURE... The u/s tech calls me back, and so off we go...

And, by now, the baby is napping. He was nice and active earlier... And I haven't eaten anything either, b/c we generally go out for breakfast after an early appt like that... But, by this time, it's like 10 am, and all I've had is a handful of almonds that I ate to get the baby moving for the NST. And, the baby isn't moving. Practicing breathing, but sleeping. The tech is getting concerned... They need 3 movements in 30 minutes, and baby has had only 1 so far. After about 20 minutes, I remember that I have some Cadbury mini-eggs in the diaper bag, so I have Brian fetch them for me, and I munch away. Within about 2 minutes, baby starts moving. A lot. Yeah - just like mama - baby likes chocolate... So, we finish that, and I go back to a room. And they have me lie down, and tell me they are going to do another BP reading.

We wait. AND wait. Finally, a nurse comes in and does the BP - 128/78. Thank God - A MIRACLE!!!!!!! So, we wait some more for Beth to come back in and discuss things. I can tell from everyone's tone that this is not promising. Eventually, she comes in, and tells me that the baby scored 8/8 on the BPP, but my fluid is low, and since they didn't like the heart tracings on the NST(he didn't have enough variation in his HB), she wants to induce NOW. So, my score on the BPP was 8/10 (and the BPP measures fluid level, and I got a perfect score), and I need to have this baby NOW???? Not buying it.

So, I ask her if we can put it off until tomorrow am. She says that she'll have to run it by the OBs, but she *thinks* it would be okay. Not ideal, and not what she would do, but okay. She explains that she thinks, between the BP and the low fluid (!), that things aren't going well, and my placenta is aging, and throws out the "dead baby" card - if you go now, and everything is fine, you won't have to ask yourself "what if" - if you wait, you might." I'm talking waiting less than 24 hours. Just until tomorrow morning. ???????

But, we can tell she is visibly flustered from whatever was happening with this other girl... (one reason I prefer midwifery care is that they do seem to take every patient's situation personally, although in this case it *was* a bit annoying, but I'm sure the other girl got excellent and compassionate care from Beth) I stand firm with my decision to wait until Saturday - I've lost my plug, and have been spotting since yesterday, so, it *could* happen anytime, anyway... She asks what I was at my last check, and I tell her I haven't been checked yet. So she checks me - a good 4, still thick, but 50% baby's head isn't engaged, though... She said they would most likely need to use pit, b/c she wouldn't feel comfortable just breaking my water with teh baby so high and still floating like that.

She tries again to convince me of the NEED to be induced NOW. And I'm still not buying it. She said that the baby isn't moving enough (on YOUR timed tests - my baby passes it's kick counts at home, thankyouverymuch), and b/c you've kept me here ALL MORNING WITHOUT FOOD, it's not going to be very active, now, is it????

So, she offers to strip my membranes, which I gladly agree to (knowing it may or may not work), but at least I will have tried everything to go naturally. She does it, and tells me she'll set things up for Saturday morning, but that if I change my mind, they'll fit me in today.

I continued having contractions on and off. So, I figure it's *possible* that I could go on my own at any time, but I wasn't holding my breath.

I HATE pit. Can I just say, I HATE PIT. I felt like I'd lost complete control of this birth, and I was scared of having another awful experience like I had with David. Maybe I AM too old to be doing this...

But at least the kids would be home on Saturday, and hopefully, this could go off in a relatively orderly manner, and I would be able to get all the last-minute loose ends tied up (haircuts, setting out Easter outfits, etc). It would suck that I wouldn't be able to be at home for Easter, but I would just have to deal with that.

**********

So.... We decided to just get up and go to the hospital whenever we got there. We spent the rest of Friday finishing up the last-minute baby preparations - installing the carseat, getting a new boppy, packing my bag, preparing the kids... And went to bed. Hannah had a rough night, though, and wound up in bed with us. She obviously picked up on our level of stress... Poor thing...

I was having some contractions, on and off, all evening, and had some bloody show, which had increased since Beth had stripped my membranes earlier at the appt. The contractions continued into the night - not regular enough to do anything about, but strong enough to wake me up. Definitely noticeable. I didn't sleep a whole lot - between the contractions, nerves, kick counts, and wondering if I had made the right decision, I was pretty much a bundle of nerves... Brian set the alarm for the regular school time, and we slowly got up and got ready to go. By the time we got everyone settled for the morning and headed out the door, it was about 8. Sarah and Amanda came with us to the hospital, and Nathan was watching the little ones. I was nervous, but still a bit hungry, so I ate about half a bowl of granola on the way.

We get to the hospital, and head up to L&D. It's quiet, and no one is even a little upset that we hadn't gotten there at 6. That made me very happy with our decision not to rush that morning. I had a GREAT nurse - her name was Anne. She got the abx hooked up right away, and asked all the admission questions. The girls and Brian settled themselves on the couch. Everyone was relaxed and in a good mood, and I started to settle down, too. They hooked me up to the monitors, and Anne went to let the mw , Pam, know that I was there and ready. Anne went ahead and brought in the pitocin and stuff. Blech. We waited for the abx to go in, and just chatted. Once I was done, Anne got Pam. Pam was GREAT. We had gotten along so well during the few visits I'd had with her during this pregnancy - and I had actually prayed that I'd get her when I went into labor. She asked how things had been overnight, and I told her that I had been having some contractions, and she decided to go ahead and check me,even though Beth had said that she wouldn't feel comfortable just breaking my water, b/c I wasn't far enough along, and the head was still high. BUT... Lo and behold, those contractions overnight had done enough, and I was 5-6, 80%, and baby was at +1 station. Good enough for her to just break my water, and go from there. So, she did - that was at about 10 am. They needed a few more minutes on the monitor, so I had to wait a bit. While I'm waiting, they notice a bit of irregularity in the baby's HB strip. They call in the head nurse, and she says to watch it, but no one seems too concerned. The abx were done by then, so they unhooked me from the IV. YAY!!! I got a cup of RRL tea and honey that I brought from home, and drank that while I was waiting. Then, they unhook me, and Brian and are sent off to start walking the halls. After about half a lap, the contractions start, and they start regularly. And they are STRONG - by the time I finished that lap, they were about 3-4 minutes apart. I did another couple of laps, and had to come back to the room to get monitored. The contractions were pretty strong, and I was starting to get uncomfortable. Pam asked if I wanted to sit on a birth ball, and I said yes. So, she got one, and I rocked on it for a bit. But the contractions slowed, so after about 15 minutes, I decided to stand and walk. Almost immediately upon getting vertical again, things kicked back into rear. I would have LOVED to have gotten in the tub at that point, but I didn't want to risk slowing things down. So I paced around the room. Started to feel really bad - nauseous, and more pressure. Things were obviously moving pretty fast. I got on the bed, on hands and knees, to try to move the baby down a bit. I had started shaking, so I knew transition was starting. This was around 11, I think. Pam predicted I'd have a baby by lunchtime, and I could look forward to a lunchtray (yeah - as if hospital food is a reward of some kind... LOL). I stayed on my hands and knees for a while, until I had to go to the bathroom. Then, when I got back, Pam offered to check me. I was 6-7, maybe almost 8, and the baby was +2. But I still had a pretty good rim of cervix left. I was feeling A LOT of pressure, so she gave me permission to try to bear down. I did, for a few contractions, but it wasn't really doing much. So, I lay back down and rode out a few more. She had me turn onto my side, which was really hard, b/c the contractions were really coming one on top of another at this point, and were almost as bad as piggyback pit contractions. I was concentrating on breathing through them, riding them out like a wave. And, at some point, Pam thought that he might have flipped posterior, and that was why he wasn't coming down as fast as we thought he would be. I tried to push again, but it wasn't doing much, so I went back on my left side. I was pretty much convinced that I wasn't going to be able to push - it just wasn't working like I had remembered. And I rode out a few more contractions. And, then, all of a sudden, I felt him coming. I *think* he *was* posterior, b/c I felt one good back contraction, and then, I felt him coming down and twisting. And, just like that, he was crowning. And then, his head was out. I flipped onto my back while I felt him turning, and Pam caught him - head, and then shoulders, and then the rest of him. I really didn't *do* anything - when he came, he did it on his own. As they were lifting him up, I got to see that he was a boy, before anyone announced it. And how TINY he was. No wonder he just popped out...

Joshua Patrick McVey entered the world at 12:45 pm, April 3, 2010.

Sarah and Amanda, who had been down by the foot of the bed, came over, and we let them cut the cord. They were so proud and excited... They put him right no my chest - his apgars were 8/9. He didn't really even cry very much. I could't get over how SMALL he was... They let me hold him for a long time. It was wonderful. They were in no hurry to weigh him or anything... So, as Brian and Sarah were making the requisite phone calls, we didn't have his weight or height! He wasn't interested in latching on right away - just lind of sniffed and licked at my breast. But he was alert and looking around. He didn't even cry very much. I could already tell he was a pretty laid-back kind of guy... I passed him off to the girls and Brian While Pam finished checking me over. No tears or anything - of course, with him being so small that makes sense (hadn't weighed him yet, but we could tell he was WAY smaller than the 8 lbs 4 oz the u/s had predicted on Friday...). They hung a bag of pit, b/c with it being my 7th baby, there was a risk of bleeding. Turns out, there were no issues, there, either. Finally, after half an hour, we decided to give him to the nurse to have him weighed and measured, and to get the vit. K shot. And were we SHOCKED at how little he was! 6 lbs 13.5 oz, and 19.5" long! Almost *exactly* the same size as Sarah - but she was 3 and a half weeks early!!! No wonder he came out so easily! And no wonder he was spinning around so much when I was in labor...

Then, since things were winding down, Brian left to go get the other kids, and Sarah and Amanda stayed with me, and we got ready to move to the post-partum wing. I took a shower, and the nurse gave Joshua a bath. Then, while I was moving and getting settled, they took Joshua to the nursery to get checked over, and to listen to his heart.

And that's when my nightmare began...

Brian returned with the kids, right about the same time they brought Joshua back from the nursery - it's mid-afternoon by now. The nurse said that the dr would be in to see him later,that they would want to run some additional tests on him - an EKG, for certain, and maybe some other stuff. But they left him with us, and the kids all got to hold him, and there was much rejoicing, a few tears, and general chaos. After a bit, the nurse came back to say that the dr was there to take a look at him. It wasn't our regular family dr, who was on vacation last week, but his partner. Brian left to see what they were going to do with Joshua, and I kept the other 6 kids in the room with me. I expected them to be gone 20 minutes, maybe... But the longer they were gone, the more worried I was getting. And I'm trying to stay calm for the other kids, b/c I don't want to upset them. Finally, they come back - Brian wheeling Joshua and the dr to come fill me in. The dr tells me that they are sending the EKG results to Iowa City (University of Iowa hospitals - specialists and level 4 NICU) and they'll get a consult from the pediatric cardiologist. They are most likely going to want to do an echocardiogram to further investigate what's causing the arrhythmia. He's skipping every 3rd-4th beat, pretty regularly. It's possible that it could fix itself on its own - apparently, it often does - but it could also indicate a more serious problem with his heart. And, of course, I'm thinking immediately of Kristi and Gabriella, and everything that goes with that. The dr tells me that he will be back tomorrow to go over what the pediatric cardiologist recommends and to look at Joshua again. But he thinks that, if everything looks fine tomorrow, then they would clear us to be discharged on Sunday, with a follow-up at our dr's later in the week. So, the dr leaves, and by this time, it's getting to be close to supper time, and Brian needs to get the kids home to feed them. They leave, and Joshua and I are alone in my room. It was SO QUIET. AS I looked a him, he looked so perfect - it was hard to believe that he was such a sick little boy. He was strong, and eating well. His color was great, and he was already holding his tiny head up and looking around.

Then, just as I'm finishing up my dinner (hospital food - ick...) the neonatologist comes in to speak to me about Joshua. He looks him over for about 5 minutes - I leave to go pee, and he's still examining him. And, then, he starts. So, Mum, (he's Indian), how much coffee did you have while you were pregnant?" I stuttered... "You know - Coke, Mountain Dew..." I have been caffeine-free since 1994! Well, this kind of arrhythmia is caused most often by too much caffeine consumption by mum when she's pregnant. And, he proceeds to tell me that what he has is PACs, and explains how it's a misfiring of the chambers. And that it can develop into SVTs, which will lead to tachycardia (his heart rate would skyrocket to over 200 BPM), and tells me what to look for - sweating, not eating, general weakness and failure to thrive. And if any of that happens, we need to get him to the ER IMMEDIATELY. Best case scenario - his heart regulates itself on its own, but that usually takes 4-6 weeks. Worst case, he starts having episodes of SVT, and we'll need to discuss medications to regulate his heart, and go from there. But since it's his heart, it's VERY SERIOUS, and they are going to want to keep a very close eye on him.

And then, he wanted to talk about a couple of other issues that Joshua has. First of all, he has a penile chordee (his penis curves downward, like a candy cane), which means that we need to get a urologist consult, and will most likely need surgery to correct the curve. And, he said that we'd need to wait until we got the results of his heart tests, anyway, before we did anything. The next thing he brought up was the fact heat he has a raised ridge/bump on the back of his head, just above the nape of his neck, which no one noticed until the nurse gave him a bath. The neonatologist said that, most likely, it was b/c the bones in his head had fused too soon, and we'd have to get a referral to a plastic surgeon, but most likely a pediatric neurologist, and have his skull reshaped so that his brain would have room to grow.

And, then, he asked about his toes. Joshua has webbed toes - which is not uncommon in my family... I have them, and most of my other kids have it to some degree, too. But Joshua's are different toes (ours are all the second and third toes, on both feet - and only partially connected. His are the last two toes on his right foot only, and they are completely joined (I'll post pics at some point...). The dr asked to see my toes, and my fingers. I have a crooked pinky finger (also runs in the family). Apparently, the combination of webbed toes, crooked fingers, heart abnormalities, and the bump on this head are markers for a very rare genetic disorder. It also involves a boxy, misshapen forehead and droopy eyelids. So, the dr grills me about my kids, and how many of them have these symptoms. He comes back to the heart arrhythmia, and asks how many of them had it, and tells me AGAIN that it's caused mainly from caffeine consumption. He then asks me, after getting the ages of all my other kids, if they have the same father!!??!! I'm fighting back tears at this point, and getting pretty panicked, and praying for Brian to come back, b/c this is all just too much for me. Finally, he starts wrapping up, and tells me that he'll be in tomorrow to check him again, He furrows his brow as if he's forgotten something, and then asks me if Joshua has had a poopy diaper yet. I tell him no, and he gets all concerned again, and starts to look him over again, lecturing me that they like them to have at least one in their first 24 hours of life. Then, I explained that , seeing as it was just 6:45, that it had been only 6 hours since he's been born, and he said that he'd forgotten that he wasn't that old, yet. And he said that, even though I'd been told that we could go home tomorrow, that he thought that was premature, and it would be Monday at the earliest before he's feel comfortable discharging him. He finally says goodbye, and leaves me alone, again.

So, I'm trying to digest all of this. About 10 minutes later, Brian walks in, and I immediately burst into tears. So THIS is why women over 40 shouldn't have babies, I said, and proceeded to relate everything the neonatologist had told me. And I feel AWFUL, b/c it's obviously MY FAULT that our son is so sick. And I'm just crying and crying, and wondering WHY... And wondering what I could have done differently... Brian brought me a milkshake, but I don't think I tasted any of it... All I could think about was what the neonatologist had told me, and none of it was good. Here I had this perfectly healthy-looking baby boy, who really, by all accounts shouldn't have been conceived, suckling at my breast, and it was all so UNREAL.

Brian did his best to remind me that the other drs hadn't seemed that concerned, that they were just watching him carefully. And it began to dawn on me that, really, if things were really as dire as the neonatologist had said, that he would have transferred Joshua to the NICU, or at least hooked him up to a heart monitor - neither of which he did. But Brian had to go back to the kids, and so he left me for the night. I don't think I have ever felt more alone in my life. My mom had *just* gotten off a plane from Madagascar on Friday morning, and just couldn't get out here, so we were on our own. It was so hard - Brian and I were each having conversations with the drs, but never together. IT was just so frustrating... And I really needed him with me but it just wasn't logistically possible. We had people offer to stay with the kids, but they really needed someone familiar with them and their routine. So we made it work...

Joshua did well Saturday night - he ate a LOT. Every hour or so... But the little ones do eat more often... He was having some trouble settling down to latch, but he'd eventually figure it out. And, to allay the neonatologist's fears about his digestive system, he proceeded to poop about every 2 hours, as well... The nurses all kept commenting on ow easy a baby he was, and how easy I was as a patient. The staff was great - very supportive and caring. I was sad that I would have to miss church on Easter, but Brian was planning on bringing the kids over after the second service and egg hunt. Early Sunday morning, they came to do labwork on Joshua, and a hearing test. I thought it was very cool that they did all this stuff in my room - as a matter of fact, the ONLY time they took him to the nursery was for the drs to check him. And it occurred to me that, b/c hey weren't taking him away, that maybe he wasn't as sick as they originally thought that he was. Pam came back in Sunday morning, and gave me the okay to be discharged that afternoon, but I told her that they had said they wanted to keep Joshua until at least Monday b/c of all the issues. She said that she understood, and to just let her know if anything changed. She also said to keep her updated, and if anything happened, to call the practice, and she'd get the prayer chain going. My eyes welled up with that one... I thanked her again or everything that she did... She was the perfect person to have attended my birth.

And, so I spent the rest of the morning and with Joshua, waiting for Brian to come by with everyone - mostly so I could see how embarrassed I needed to be by what they had dressed themselves in for Easter... Yeah. I'm a bit anally retentive about things like that... Thanks, Mom!!! While I was waiting, the neonatologist returned. I wasn't very happy to see him, and my stomach immediately knotted up again. But his demeanor was completely different, and he was SO much more positive, even saying that if our dr agreed, he *might* be able to leave today. I wondered what had changed overnight... (I later learned that Brian had had words with him over his treatment of me, and how a more compassionate bedside manner might be a good thing for his career, among other things...)

Finally, after I had eaten lunch, Brian and the kids made it up. And, *just* as they walked in, they came to take Joshua to the nursery to see the dr, so off Brian went again. And I stayed with the older ones, and they told me all about their Easter baskets and about the egg hunt at church. Finally, Brian and Joshua came back, along with the dr. And, long story short, they CLEARED him to be discharged that afternoon!!!!!!!! So, I jumped in the shower while Brian was rounding up the kids, and had the nurse get in touch with Pam, so she could sign my discharge orders, b/c she'd cancelled them earlier, when we thought he'd have to stay. Brian had brought me Communion, and he anointed Joshua. So, even though we missed church, we got the next best thing... Brian then took the kids home, and had some errands to run, and the staff had some additional bloodwork that they needed to run on Joshua, but we figured I'd be home for supper.

We scheduled a check-up with our dr for Thursday, and an appt with the pediatric cardiologist on Friday. But his heart was beginning to regulate itself enough that they felt comfortable letting him go home, and he was thriving otherwise. He was down to 6 lbs 12 oz when we left, so he wasn't even losing all that much weight. Everything was looking good - dare I say, normal, in fact??? Brian came to pick me up around 5, and we came home. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world. And the perfect end to an Easter day...

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this posted... But it has been a lot to process, and it has been hard for me to write it all down. Kind of like putting it on paper makes it real. This has been the best and worst week of my life. I have experienced every single emotion that is possible. But I am so thankful and so blessed to have my sweet, precious boy home with me, in my arms. The kids simply dote on him... And he is such an easy baby. He passed both his appts last week with flying colors... Thursday, he was already 20 1/4" long and up to 7 lbs 2 oz - already passed his birth weight! So we don't have to go back for a 2 week check - just the 2 month appt! And the cardiologist heard NO evidence of any arrhythmia today. But he wants to do a repeat EKG at the 2 month check, but saw no need to do an echo. He looks simply perfect! And no one is concerned about the bump on his head - they seem to agree that the bones are not fused, and it was just most likely from him being wedged against my pelvic b9one. But we'll watch it, just to be sure. We're getting a referral for the urologist next week, and we'll tackle that next. And he thought that the genetic issues that the neonatologist was so worried about was a bunch of crap, and wasn't sure WHY he even went there... But it seems we are out of the woods...

Thanks for reading my novel, and for your support, even though you had no idea what was going on. I knew you all were thinking of me and sending all your prayers and PTs... And they worked!

And, if anyone is interested in Brian's perspective on this, you can read his blog HERE. He had a pretty incredible day on Saturday. It is what he preached on for Easter, and it really sums up what we celebrate this Easter season.

As I have pondered all these things in my heart over the last few days, I can see that God's hand has been in this from the beginning. Our blessing baby has turned out to be just that - a blessing. From the easiest pregnancy ever, to his safe and efficient birth, and his miraculous recovery God has been in control. He has indeed redeemed all things. Alleluia! Christ is risen!!! The Lord is risen, indeed!! Alleluia!!!

I'm back...

2010-04-13T17:47:00.002-05:00

After a long hiatus from the blogosphere (much longer than I intended), I am back. I think... I hope...

There has been a lot of life that has happened in the months since I last posted - the crux of which is the new addition to our family, Joshua Patrick McVey, who joined us the day before Easter 2010. I will post his story in the next few days. It is a story of grace, blessing, and redemption, fitting for this Easter season. So stay tuned... More to come!

Wordless Wednesday - In The Sun

2009-06-17T10:57:00.004-05:00

A few of my stash from earlier this spring... Everything in the yard is lush and green, now...

Random Thoughts Monday

2009-06-15T21:22:00.004-05:00

Well. I have about half a dozen half-finished posts lined up in my drafts queue, and none of them seem to be getting any closer to being completed. *sigh* Yet, I really want to post something... So here goes...

~ My kids are as addicted to Sonic ice as I am. Must be a genetic thing...

~ I am actually getting closer to my goal of having a clean house before we leave on vacation. If you've ever seen my house, you know what a project this is... *blush*

~ I really wish I had something exciting to write about. I've been in kind of a funk, lately, and my brain feels like oatmeal...

~ I am looking forward to our vacation, and the possibility of meeting up with old and dear friends... ♥

~ I may just have to resign myself to the possibility that the last 10 pounds of baby weight might not come off until Hannah weans. Not what I want, but I'm just not losing, despite my best efforts... *sigh*

~ I like having my kids around for summer vacation. Except when they bug me for computer time... *rolls eyes*

~ Our peach tree is fruitless, this year. And I am really sad about that. Lots of apples, and some pears, though...

~ I have fallen in love with a pair of Crocs - these wedge thongs, in berry/black. Unfortunately, they aren't in my shoe budget this summer...

So, there you have it. Random enough for you??? And I promise that I will be back, soon, with something interesting to say... *grin*

Wordless Wednesday - Empty Nest

2009-05-27T15:14:00.006-05:00

A small journey, in pictures, of the robins' nest that sits up high on our front porch...

Check It Out!

2009-05-20T13:38:00.006-05:00

I had the great honor of contributing to my friend Megan's awesome blog, SortaCrunchy, this week. We had been having a discussion about the trials of nursing an older baby/toddler, and she posted my response to a question she asked me. You can find it HERE. One of the advantages to having a large family is that I have, through the years, accumulated a certain amount of, for lack of a better word, wisdom, in dealing with these issues, the ones that young mothers fret over. I remember what it was like to have questions, and to be frustrated, and to think that I was the *only* one dealing with all of this. I want to reassure all mommies out there that YOU ARE NOT ALONE, and offer reassurance from someone who has been there.

I am humbled and honored to be a part of Megan's wonderful blogging community. She is an inspiration, and a wonderfully talented writer. I posted about another project of hers here. Please check it out - there's so much she has to offer. :)

**End of shameless self-promotion** ;)

The Great Cloth Diaper Hunt

2009-05-19T19:28:00.005-05:00

Okay... I know I have been trying to write regularly again, but alas... I have been diverted. But this is a really worthwhile endeavor. I swear... :) For several years, now (really - I've lost count...), every May and November, I participate in The Great Cloth Diaper Hunt, sponsored by Diaper Decisions. It's a really cool internet scavenger hunt, where I, and lots of other people, spend hours, in front of a computer screen, searching WAHM websites, in search of that elusive icon, in order to be entered into a drawing to win very cool prizes.

Not only does the GCDH give me a new way to waste time, it also gives me the opportunity to check out lots of awesome stuff - not just cloth diapers, by the way... Lots of other natural family living products, too. And many of the sponsors offer discounts to hunters, so you can get a good deal while you're at it. Some of the icons are easy to find, and some are nearly impossible. Most sites have "mini-hunts, " where you follow clues, which lead you through many of the products or services offered by the WAHMs, until you finally happen upon the little diaper. This gives me something to do while my Beloved whiles away the hours on World of Warcraft... *sigh* I also get to dream of all the money I could spend, building my dream stash of diapers, indulging in natural bath and body products, and searching for organic cleaning supplies...

So, if you have a little one in diapers, or know of someone who has a little one in diapers, or is you just want to get an idea of what's out there, check out the GCDH. You get to have fun, and support a great group of WAHMs, too. What could be better???

And yeah - I'll be back in June... *tee hee*

A Dose of Reality, and a Measure of Grace

2009-05-12T12:10:00.003-05:00

It's been a rather emotionally exhausting last couple of weeks - not so much for myself, but on behalf of several people that I know, whose children have received one diagnosis or another that plays into the worst fears of all parents.

One's baby was born 3 months too soon, at just over 28 weeks. I am happy to report that she (Ailyn) is doing well, defying the odds, and amazing her caregivers. Strong little fighter, that one...

Another little boy was diagnosed with PDD-NOS - pervasive developmental disorder, not otherwise specified, autism. His parents are young, and this is quite a blow to the family, who are coming to the realization that their sweet little boy might never lead a "normal" life.

And, perhaps most heartbreaking of all, the little girl whose mommy just found out yesterday that she will need a heart transplant at the tender age of 4. This means that for her daughter to live, someone else's precious baby must die. *sob* This is just not fair. My heart breaks for this family... There just aren't words for something like this.

And when I hear claims being made that this world is "good" - that everything happens for a reason, that this was part of God's plan... I keep coming back to the wise words spoken by Gavin McGrath, at the funeral of our seminary friends' newborn baby boy... "This is not your fault. There is nothing you could have done to prevent this. This is not the way it was meant to be." God intended much better for us when he created the world in Love, but because sin has tainted everything, babies are born too soon, little boys are faced with challenges, and little girls are given a seemingly impossibly difficult path.

Yes, God can redeem even these tragedies. In fact, He already has. But that doesn't mean that He intended for them to happen. His plan is not for us to suffer, but to transform us and to bring us into full communion, into perfect relationship with Him. He works though the imperfections of this world - fallen, every bit of it tainted by sin, to achieve his goal.

And as I watch these families deal with the unspeakable situations forced upon them, I can't help but feel a twinge of survivor guilt - an emotion I am all-too-familiar with. You don't bear your 5th healthy, whole, child while watching two of your friends lose their firstborn infant sons without enduring a certain measure of guilt. Why has my family been spared? And I know well that there is no answer, just as I have no answer for those who suffer.

There is, in the end, only Grace. And it is enough, if we will let it be. God takes no pleasure in our suffering. He feels it, too, and just as we wish we could take our own children's suffering upon ourself, He does, even more so, for us. That is the story of Salvation History, after all... And it is in His hands that I place these families, asking for an extra measure of Grace for each of them, and that they be filled with His peace, love, and hope, for the future.

Mother's Day Meditations

2009-05-10T23:07:00.004-05:00

My Mother's Day began, not as I might have hoped that it would - with a decadent breakfast in bed, followed by a lazy morning lounging in my jammies. No... Instead, I was awakened, earlier than usual, by Hannah, who had wandered upstairs into my bedroom, when someone had left the gate on the stairs open. I brought her back down stairs, and, at my dear husband's urging, retreated back to bed to, hopefully, catch a few more zzzzzz's before I needed to start getting ready for church. So I happily snuggled back under the down comforter, only to be called about 10 minutes later, by that same toddler, angrily protesting her Daddy's leaving for work - the early service... *sigh* So much for that...

So, and began the process of getting the 5 remaining kids ready for church. Nathan accompanies Brian to the 8:00 service - it's a thing... I jumped in the shower, got dressed, got the little ones dressed, did hair, and managed to get everyone out the door, only a few minutes late (my teenage girls helped with that this morning...).

Church was nice. Brian gave roses to all the moms, and the kids made crafts in Sunday school - handprint wall-hangings, and cross wind chimes. After we were done, The kids decided they wanted bagels for lunch. I would have preferred french toast, belgian waffles, or crepes... But I was overruled. And the kids were actually quiet for quiet time... I somehow managed to get the boys to finish their homework, and put most of their dirty clothes in the laundry room. Five loads of laundry, washed, dried, and folded.

Ice Cream Sunday, for the kids, for dinner... And Brian stopped to get me roses on the way back. Robbie gave me a pair of earrings he'd made for me in art class.

All in all, a pretty normal Sunday. Which had me contemplating what it truly means to be a Mother. As I looked back on this day, which has become yet another commercialized, consumerism-driven holiday, I saw that I understand Motherhood in a truly different way than the poetry on the cards portrays. My role, today, and every day, is not to be celebrated, but to serve. Motherhood is the ultimate gift of service, of self-sacrifice. And, perhaps, the fact that today was, really, no different than any other Sunday, was the most honorable way I could spend Mother's Day, after all. It is my gift to my children, the reason I am honored with the title, Mom, to be able to, for an all-too-short period of time, to be there for them. To be able to put myself aside and give them what they need. Serving them makes my heart sing. It is why I was born - to be there for these little miracles.

Someday, in the not-too-distant future, I will not need to wipe little noses, or harp about missing homework assignments, or trip over dirty socks. I will be able to enjoy that decadent morning (although probably not on a Sunday... LOL), lounging in bed. And I will, somehow, miss all of... this. Mother's Day is not about honoring ME. It is about the fact that I have been blessed beyond measure to be the mother of 6 miracles, of six wonders of creation. And today, I honor them, and thank God that He gave them to me. Because without them, I would not have earned the name Mommy - the most important title I will ever wear. ♥

Going Through the Motions

2009-04-28T23:20:00.005-05:00

This song by Matthew West (lyrics) sums up my life, pretty well, at the moment. Throughout the winter, and into the spring, I have been fighting (and mostly losing) a battle with inertia. Every time I hear it, it really hits me. How often do we just go through the motions, just trying to get through the day? Or, in some cases, the hour?

I find myself coming back to a book study group that I belonged to, at our sending parish, St. Timothy's, WDM, led by Rev. Jean Willis (a wonderful priest, and the first ordained Episcopal woman in Iowa). We were reading Margaret Guenther's The Practice of Prayer (HIGHLY recommended, if you're interested...), and I was deeply touched by a couple of her of her chapters entitled, "Finding God in the Ordinary - your kitchen will teach you everything" and "Prayer and Parenting - how to pray when the baby is keeping you up." I devoured her words, filled with sage and practical advice. What has stayed with me, almost 10 years after first reading that book, is what a blessing it it to seek and find God in the everyday-edness of our lives, that simple, mundane tasks can become a devotion, and an anthem of praise, and that even the act of caring for a child can become a prayer.

I have lost much of that passion over the last few months, and I really feel the loss. I don't want to just be "going through the motions" of my day. I really want to be aware, passionately aware, of the presence of God in every facet of my life. In the diaper-changing, juice-cleaning-up, laundry-folding recesses of my daily mundane-ness. Because if I can be passionately aware of His presence there, how much more will I be able to live a witness in the bigger moments? I truly want to live my life having given everything to His service. Jesus gave everything for me. I owe it to give everything to Him. I want to live with no regrets - no wondering if, somehow, somewhere, I missed an opportunity to be salt and light, because I was too focused on things that didn't really matter. I truly want to live my life with His passion inside of me, and have that be reflected in everything in my life, no matter how seemingly insignificant.

Sure, I will still make mistakes, and my priorities will still be out of whack. But He has promised to redeem that. I just want to give everything. All of it. And relish living my life in the knowledge that I left it all on the field, nothing held back, for His sake.

Now, I just have to get off the couch...

View Matthew West's own video of the song HERE. Slightly different emphasis, chronicling his own struggle with throat surgery.

Well. So Much For That...

2009-04-23T18:41:00.004-05:00

I had planned to begin my return to the Mommy Blogosphere with a nice, thoughtful post, articulating all the reasons for my absence, and my resolve for the future. *sigh* But, alas, the best laid plans...

I was up most of the night with a congested Hannah, who couldn't nurse... So I began the day a little behind the curve. But in spite of that, I managed to get my workout in, and get a shower, in preparation for Eucharist and the start of Brian's book study on The Shack. But I missed Eucharist, because Hannah had fallen asleep during my shower, and I decided she needed the sleep. And had to leave the book study early, because there was no one to watch the David and Hannah, and they just weren't content to play by themselves in the nursery... It lasted for about an hour before they started fussing, loudly, in the nursery, and then Hannah wanted to run all over the parish Hall, and David wanted to have conversations with everyone... So I thought it best o pack up quietly and slip out... Oh - Hannah puked all over herself in the car just as I was buckling her in to go to church, and again, as I was putting her down for a nap. Nailed me good, that second time... Ick. Oh, the joys of motherhood... And the same congestion that was making her tummy hurt also made her velcro-baby, so I spent most of the rest of the day toting her around.

All this to say... I'm not in much of a pondering mood, at the moment... And yes. I'd love some cheese with my whine... *grin* So, yes. I'm back. And I intend to really be back, this time. I've missed the writing. And I've missed you.

Welcome back. And hopefully, I'll be more coherent tomorrow. And more rested. We'll see...

Wordless Wednesday - Spring Comes to Iowa

2009-04-22T09:21:00.004-05:00

I thought some scenes of new life might be appropriate, after my long blogging break...

As He Leads Us

2009-01-31T16:08:00.004-06:00

I know I've been MIA lately, and I'll be back to blog about that soon. I promise...

But I want to share with you something that I'm REALLY excited about. Two of my very best friends (on-line, or otherwise), Megan Tietz, and Laura Oyer, are embarking on a wonderful project. Here, in their own words, is a description of it...

Hi friends (and friends of friends)!

We're Megan Tietz & Laura Oyer, and we wanted to let you know about a project we're working on, and invite you to be part of the process. We are currently co-writing a book on the subject of parenting from a Christian perspective, focused specifically on the first year of babyhood. Our working title is "As He Leads Us: Parenting on the Path of Servanthood in Baby's First Year".

Our purpose in writing this book is to offer new parents and parents-to-be an approach to caring for their baby that is radically different than what has emerged as the mainstream trend in the Christian community. And yet it is one which we believe is firmly rooted in and supported by Scripture. One that looks toward the example of God the Father, seeks after Christ's unequivocal call to servanthood, and leans upon the wisdom of the Holy Spirit in determining and meeting the individual needs of each unique child. We have each found, as we have been led by God to this particular parenting path, that parenting through a mindset of servanthood has allowed us to be more focused and fulfilled mothers, has forged more intimate connections to our husbands, and has fostered a closer and more surrendered relationship with the Lord.

Our message is this...There is more than one way to parent a young baby from a Biblical perspective. It's a truth that we wish we had been told as new moms. And it's what we are passionate about sharing with others.

Right now we're in the process of finalizing our formal book proposal and querying agents. In the meantime, we're working at building a platform for the themes of our book through Megan's blog, SortaCrunchy.We would love for you to check out the blog for a more in-depth look at our parenting philosophy, and to join in the discussions that we plan to open up on specific parenting topics every Monday. Above all, we would ask for your prayers as we seek agent representation and/or a publisher, and as we seek God's plan over all others for the future of this project.

Thank you!

I am encouraging each and every one of my readers to please click on over to SortaCrunchy and read all about it. I have a personal interest in this endeavor, as I have been blessed to watch both Megan and Laura as they have grown from wide-eyed new moms into wise and knowledgeable women, and blessed to have been a part of that journey. They have a very important and worthwhile message, one that is very close to my heart. they are able to put into words so eloquently what many of us have felt, stumbling through that first year of parenthood

Every Monday, Megan and Laura will be discussing part of their work, and are encouraging everyone to come read, and share their own thoughts and experiences with them. So join me, would you? Mondays at SortaCrunchy, for the As He Leads Us discussion. You won't be sorry! I promise!

Chicken Tikka Masala

2009-01-02T13:43:00.009-06:00

My mom introduced this recipe to me. Although it's technically Indian food, it is part of the local cuisine in the parts of Tanzania where she does her mission work. This has become one of my family's favorite meals. Everyone likes it - even the small ones. I have to remember to keep a few pieces of the chicken out of the sauce for Robbie, but even he likes it. And Robbie is my Mikey... He's extremely picky... *sigh* But this is one meal that everyone looks forward to.

I serve this with naan, when I can get it. At some point, I'll make it from scratch, but I haven't gotten there yet. And I make a double batch, which serves all 8 of us, with enough for a bit of leftovers the next day. And truthfully, it gets better with age... I have modified the original recipe (of course... *grin*), and I'm very satisfied with it. I hope you will be, too.

Chicken Tikka Masala
serves 4-6

This dish is best prepared with whole milk yogurt, but low-fat yogurt can be substituted. For a spicier dish, do not remove the ribs and seeds from the chile. If you prefer, substitute 2 t ground coriander, ¼ t ground cardamom, ¼ t ground cinnamon, and ½ t ground black pepper for the garam masala. The sauce can be made ahead, refrigerated for up to 4 days in an air-tight container, and gently reheated before adding the hot chicken. Serve with basmati rice.

Chicken Tikka
1 t ground cumin
1 t ground coriander
½ t cayenne
2 t table salt
2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken breasts, trimmed of fat, and cut into 1”-2” cubes
2 c whole-milk yogurt
2 T vegetable oil
2 med garlic cloves, minced or pressed (about 2 t)
1T fresh grated ginger

Masala Sauce
3 T vegetable oil
1 med onion, diced fine (about 1 ¼ c)
2 med garlic cloves, minced or pressed (about 2 t)
2 t fresh grated ginger
1 serrano chile, ribs and seeds removed, flesh minced
1T tomato paste
1T garam masala
1 (28 oz) can crushed tomatoes
2t sugar
½ t salt
2/3 c heavy cream
¼ c chopped cilantro leaves

1. FOR THE CHICKEN: Combine cumin, coriander, cayenne and salt in a zip-top bag. Add chicken, and toss to coat. Place bag on a plate, and refrigerate for 30 to 60 minutes. In a large bowl, whisk together the yogurt, ginger, garlic, and oil. Set aside.
2. FOR THE SAUCE: Heat oil in a large Dutch oven over medium heat until shimmering. Add onion, and cook, stirring frequently, until light golden, 8-10 minutes. Add garlic, ginger, chile, tomato paste, and garam masala: cook, stirring frequently, until fragrant, about 3 minutes. Add crushed tomatoes, sugar, and salt; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and simmer for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Stir in cream, and return to simmer. Remove pan from heat and cover to keep warm.
3. While the sauce simmers, adjust the oven rack to upper-middle position (about 6” from the heating element) and preheat broiler. Using tongs, dop chicken into yogurt mixture (chicken should be coated with a thick layer of yogurt) and arrange on a wire rack set in a foil-lined baking sheet or broiler pan. Discard excess yogurt. Broil chicken until thickens parts read 160 degrees on an instant-read thermometer and exterior is charred in spots, 10-18 minutes, flipping chicken half-way through cooking time.
4. Let chicken rest 5 minutes, remove from rack and stir into warm sauce. Do not simmer chicken in sauce. Stir in cilantro, adjust seasoning with salt, and serve over basmati rice.

Adapted from Cooks Illustrated recipe, Sept/Oct 2007

A Blessed Christmas

2008-12-25T23:48:00.004-06:00

It never ceases to amaze me... How, in spite of all my worrying and stressing and general out-of-sorts-ness, how God comes through and showers me with blessing. As I sat and watched the kids open their presents, I was overcome with overwhelming gratitude and joy, Because, somehow, we managed to pull it off. As I knew would happen, we were able to provide enough for the kids to have their Christmas. No, it wasn't big. No, it wasn't fancy. But there were stockings filled, and presents neatly piled under the tree, and even a couple of surprises. It was a nice combination of meeting needs and fulfilling wants. Just what Christmas morning is supposed to be.

It was a joy to see the looks on the girls' faces upon opening their Starbucks' cards (decaf, only... they know...), and to watch the bigger boys put together their marble coaster and various Lego creations. And David loved his scooter... He's been riding it all around the family room, since it's too icky to go outside... But perhaps the most precious memory of all was watching Hannah, who was not at all interested in opening any of her presents, but WOULD NOT let anyone else help her. I wish I had gotten it on video... It was the absolute sweetest thing... ♥♥♥

So, once again, I have been given the gift of Christmas peace, in spite of all of my attempts to make it otherwise. God is good. And, after the gifts had been dispersed, the roast eaten, and the candy consumed, I was able to just bask in awe and wonder of the Gift that was given to us so many years ago. I am truly blessed. And I thank God for all of those blessings in my life - my friends and family, my children, and most of all, for that Baby in the manger, without whose Gift, none of this would be possible.

Merry Christmas, everyone! And may God richly bless you, as he has me, in the coming year...

Christmas Stress

2008-12-23T09:47:00.005-06:00

I feel kind of awkward posting this, but I really need to get it out. I'm not angry, really, just incredibly sad.

We had to wait to start our Christmas shopping until Brian got paid (on Sunday), because things are really tight, and we're living paycheck-to-paycheck, and we don't have credit cards. So we live on a cash-only basis. Well, the treasurer didn't show up in church on Sunday (understandable, because it was sooooo cold, but it still set us back ANOTHER day). There were only a handful of people there, actually, because of the weather. So he brought the check yesterday. Except that it was for only $500. We are supposed to get $2400. There is not enough money to pay Brian the rest of his salary this month, b/c the treasurer picked NOW to catch up on some other bills that were past due (insurance and pension). They hadn't gotten the ultimate hate letters, yet - just the "you're behind" ones. But it scared him enough that he paid out over $6K to them, leaving nothing to pay Brian. Giving is down a little, because of the economy, but the bigger problem is that the church has lost 3 big givers in the last 18 months - people who have died, who used to help out extra when things got tight.

So we are struggling to budget Christmas for 6 kids, on a very limited amount of money. This has to also pay for incidentals, and stocking stuffers, and Christmas dinner (except for the meat, which is a standing rib roast, a gift from Brian's dad - thanks, George!).

We figure that $75, more or less, for the older 5 will suffice, and Hannah won't really notice that she's getting less... Brian and I aren't getting anything for each other, and there's nothing to get anything for any of the extended family, until after Christmas. And I made a mistake last night - bought a scooter for David, which I *thought* was $25, but was actually $50. Toys-R-Us had a bunch of them in the wrong place... So we may have to return it, and refigure the plan. But we're running out of time.

We usually get the kids Beanie Babies or Webkinz for their stockings, and each gets a book, plus the usual candy and cheap trinkets. But I just don't think there will be enough for that, this year. How do we explain there being nothing in their stockings??? Brian forgot about stocking stuffers when he budgeted for stuff...

Add to this the fact that Christmas shopping stresses me out. I really mean that. All the commercialism, and all the STUFF. My kids really don't NEED anything, but there still need to be presents under the tree. I come close to having a panic attack in the toy store every year, trying to negotiate the mountains of toys, trying to figure out something that they'll actually play with, that they don't already have, that is within our (always) limited budget. It's too much. I left the store last night with a splitting headache, and tears in my eyes.

Now, I am sure that everything will come out all right in the end. We've had offers in the past to help us if things get tight, and word has already spread throughout the church that Father can't afford gifts for his family. So I would not be at all surprised if a few checks and anonymous donations wound up in Brian's mailbox. And I will feel like an idiot for not trusting God in this, too.

Because, this is not the first time that we've been faced with financial issues like this, and every time, God has provided. And I always worry and fret, whine, and complain. And yet, God is there. And blesses us, in spite of my lack of faith. I just wish that I could truly give it all to God, and know that He will provide what we need. He always does.

Sometimes, I truly wish that we could do Christmas without all of the commercial stuff, and just remember what Christmas is *really* about. I get so worked up about ll the *stuff* and I forget to just *be* and simply wonder at the Gift that was given that first Christmas morning. And if He is who He says He is, and He was raised on that third day, then He can (and will) provide for us. Abundantly.

But I still want to give my kids Christmas. And it makes me sad that I might not be able to. I guess that I need to trust that they will have the Christmas that they need, even if it's not the one I want to give them. I've got a lot to learn, yet... Once again, I'm reminded that God is in charge of all of it. He's Lord of everything, and I need to trust that He will take care of us in this, too.

But it's just hard.

The Twelve Days of a LARGE FAMILY Christmas

2008-12-20T09:51:00.010-06:00

My friend Megan found this, and thought of me. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Brian and I have gotten every single one of these... I just wish I had thought of this! *grin*

Although I like our response to the "Do you know what causes that?" one better...

"Yes. We're just better at it than most people..."

*tee hee*

Time Wasting, for a Good Cause...

2008-12-13T18:12:00.003-06:00

I have found a new way to waste time on the internet. But I am ok with it, because it's procrastination for a good cause. My kids talked about it last year, but I was to busy to go check it out myself. And a couple of weeks ago, one of my friends on Facebook (that *other* mode of procrastination...) became a fan, so I had to check it out. He's a priest, after all...

Free Rice is a wonderful site where you get to play a game, increase your vocabulary, and procrastinate, all while feeding the hungry. What could be better??? Hey - my husband spends hours on end playing World of Warcraft. This actually has some redeeming social value... *grin* For every answer you get correct, Free Rice will donate 20 grains of rice to feed hungry people in poor countries. There are several different categories - Art, Chemical Symbols, English Grammar, English Vocabulary, Geography, Languages, and Math.

I've stuck to the Vocabulary, but I will probably branch out eventually. I've been playing on and off all day, today, with the kids chipping in from time to time, and so far, I've donated 25,280 grains of rice. *blush* I've spent a lot of time at the computer, today... But I can do this while Hannah is nursing, which she did a lot of this morning...

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it...

So, the next time you find yourself sitting in front of your computer screen, wondering where to click next, give Free Rice a try. It's surprisingly addictive (although some of this may be that English major in me), and educational all at once. And you're feeding people. Guilt-free procrastination... What could be better??? OK - well, cleaning the kitchen might be more productive, but this is WAY more fun... And it's not completely mindless, either. Go ahead - give it a shot. And thank you for feeding the hungry!

Priorities

2008-12-09T16:16:00.001-06:00

Today, I have been forced to rethink my priorities. I woke up this morning with a whole laundry list of things that I wanted to get done (and coincidentally, no, laundry wasn't one of them. Did that yesterday...). And, so far, the only thing I've been able to cross off my list is that shower that I somehow managed to take before Hannah noticed I was gone. However, I didn't manage to get my hair done, or make-up applied. *sigh* And that pile of clothes and clutter in my bedroom is still in the same place it was this morning. *deep sigh*

Hannah is going through some kind of stage at the moment. She wants all-Mommy-all-the-time. She won't even nap if I put her down - I have to hold her. Now, I know some people might stop me right here and tell me that she's just spoiled, but that's not the case. The AP mommy in me knows instinctively that she needs this time and closeness for some reason, and that when she's ready, she'll let go. But it sure puts a crimp in my ability to get things done. And all of my babywearing devices would be useless for my chores today, because the spaces I need to work in are small, and there's not enough room for both of us. Our walk-in closet really isn't...

So, as I was sitting in the chair, holding her for her third cat-nap today, I stopped, and took a breath. And realized that *this* is what I needed to be doing today. The piles will wait. I can throw something together quickly for dinner. And I really need to *be* there for my daughter. In this season of ultimate busy-ness, I was given the gift of having to slow down, and re-think my priorities. Sure, it would be nice to have everything all put away. Sure, I like having pretty, clean counters. But my daughter doesn't care about such things. She just needs to be held, and to know that someone is there for her. When she can handle it, she'll let me go, and I can get about checking things off my list.

So, as I sat and held her, I watched the snow fall out the window, and I pondered. I began to wonder if this waiting wasn't part of the Advent preparation I am called to this year. So often, those things that I put so much emphasis on are not, really, in the grand scheme of the universe, all that important. And I need to be open to letting go of my own list, and more attune to just letting life happen, and trust that God will lead me in what He would have me do. I need to get better at allowing my list to give way to His. That's something I really need to work on...

So, my prayer for today is that I might become better able to let go of my own list of priorities, and to seek what God desires for me each day. Even if it involves letting the piles go for one more day... Let me find Him in everything, no matter how mundane or redundant the task. And to give thanks for finding peace where I least expect it.
Amen.

Happy Birthday, Sarah

2008-12-04T22:10:00.003-06:00

Today, fourteen years ago, I became a mother. Fourteen wonderful years ago, I brought Sarah Elizabeth into this world, and my life changed forever. I have been blessed beyond measure to be entrusted with this precious girl, to love, to teach, and to guide. What a gift!

Today, we ate chicken chow mein (her favorite home-cooked meal) and chocolate cake (heart-shaped, with yellow and purple frosting). And opened presents - clothes, mostly, nowadays... I took pictures, but I'm too tired to upload and edit them tonight. But fret not, dear readers, I promise to post them in the near future. It was a good day.

I thank God every day for the privilege of being a mother. I never imagined just how much I would love this job. There are no words for how your heart just overflows. Parenthood has given me new insight on just how our Father views us... If I feel this much *love* for my child, the LOVE that God has for us is just unimaginable. What a blessing...

Thank you, Sarah, for coming into my life. And thank you, Jesus, for blessing me with you. I pray for the wisdom, guidance, and grace to be the mother that you need me to be, to help you grow into the woman God means you to become. Thank you for allowing me the privilege of coming along with you on your journey. I look forward to sharing and growing with you for many years to come. Love, Mommy

What are the Colors of Your Rainbow???

2008-12-03T18:22:00.006-06:00

And since I slacked off for a couple of days this week, after my NaBloPoMo undertaking, you get a bonus! Two, yes, TWO posts from me in one day. Sorta... *wink*

I stole this from Suzy's blog. Apparently, it's the quiz o'the moment... Seems to be fairly accurate, as far as these things go...

Your rainbow is shaded violet.

What is says about you: You are a creative person. You appreciate beauty and craftsmanship. You are patient and will keep trying to understand something until you've mastered it.

Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.

So how about you? What colors make up your world?

Wordless Wednesday - Snow on an Early December Day

2008-12-03T17:35:00.006-06:00

Well, I Made It.

2008-11-30T13:42:00.002-06:00

I posted every day for 30 days, and I survived. Thank you, my awesome readers, for sticking with me, even when I didn't really have anything important, relevant, or even vaguely coherent to say. I had forgotten just how much I really *like* to write. Now, whether what has come forth from my keyboard into cyberspace is worth reading is another question, entirely...

But I have learned a lot from this little exercise. Mostly, that I really need to keep writing. I cannot promise that I will be back every day, although that maybe ought to be a goal of mine. But I will promise to be much less neglectful of my little corner of the blogosphere than I have been in the past. Just don't come hoping for any deep wisdom or wry humor - I'd hate to disappoint you! *grin* But those pics of cute kids will keep coming. I just need a better camera, and some more skilz...

And on a completely different note. Happy Advent to All! I didn't manage to get candles for my Advent wreath yesterday, so we're wreath-less tonight, but I'll be hitting Hobby Lobby tomorrow (barring bad snow-covered roads, although I think it's too warm for there to be much of a problem...). The Christmas boxes will be making their way up from the basement today and tomorrow, and I hope to have everything all done this week, with the exception of the tree.

Since we get a real one, we don't usually get it until closer to Christmas. I'm hoping that we'll do better than last year, though, when we didn't manage to get one until the week before. Talk about last-minute... *sigh* We do get good deals, though, on those trees that people are wanting to get rid of. Almost makes the procrastination worth it. Almost....

So I'm looking forward to making cookies, hanging stockings, and draping with pine garland everything that will stand still long enough. Maybe I'll even post some pics of our festive home... Maybe. But that means it has to be clean, first... *rolls eyes* One thing at a time...

So, once again, thank you, loyal readers, for joining me on this, my first NaBloPoMo quest. I hope that you've enjoyed the journey, and I look forward to more conversations with you ~both deep & inspirational, and random & mundane. I've had a great time. Thanks for indulging me.

Signing off NaBloPoMo '08... Maybe I'll even do it again next year!!!

My Theme Song, This Month

2008-11-29T17:50:00.001-06:00

One thing that I had planned to blog about this month was some of my favorite songs. But somehow, I never got around to it. So I thought that I'd post a video of a song that really speaks to me, where I am now, and to where I will be in the next few crazy weeks.

His Grace is Enough, by Matt Maher

Please excuse the somewhat cheesy video. It was the best I could find, and there are any number of versions of this song floating around, and I was, of course, in search of just the *right* one. It took me all afternoon, and involved the kids asking, "Mommy, why do you keep playing that song over and over again on your computer???"

I hope this song blesses you as much as it has me. And I hope that I can keep it as background music for my crazy-busy life this time of year. His grace really *is* enough. Praise God!

Random Thoughts for Today

2008-11-28T17:01:00.004-06:00

What you blog about when there's not much else going on...

I don't like my turkey reheated. Cold is good, covered in warm gravy is even better.
I could eat pie All. Day. Long. With whipped cream, of course...
The boys need haircuts.
I need a haircut. And highlights. I haven't gotten my hair done professionally in about 5 years. *sigh* Mommy's hair is strictly DIY these days... What I would give for a cut/color at an Aveda salon...
We cooked 10 lbs of potatoes yesterday. I bet they are gone by Monday...
I broke out my collection of Christmas sweaters today. I love them - they are so festive. But I'm waiting for Stacy and Clinton to come knocking at my door...
I am going to put away the Fall Decor tomorrow, and get out the Christmas boxes Which reminds me....
I need advent candles.
I did no shopping today. As a matter of fact, I stayed in my jammies until mid afternoon.
I'd like to get another kitten. However, Brian says NO. Two cats are enough...
I need to read The Shack. It come highly recommended. Brian recently finished it, and I need to carve out some time to devote to it.
It's almost time to eat, again... *grin*

Enjoy your weekend, my friends!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T23:10:00.001-06:00

I hope that this day has found each and every one of you well-fed, sated with both the bounty that found our tables overflowing, and with the fellowship of family and friends that filled our hearts.

We had a great day. Laid-back and relaxing. It was the first time in a loooong time that we have spent Thanksgiving with just us - no extended family, no cousins or grandparents. Just the eight of us. Which when you put it like that, sounds not so alone. *grin* Yes, I missed the traditions, the camaraderie, the fun that we have when we all get together. But there were some benefits, too. My house wasn't (ahem) perfectly clean, and I spent a good bit of the day in my jammies. It was a good day.

I have so much to be thankful for, this year. My husband, and my children. Friends and family. How our needs have been met, and how we've been blessed beyond our wildest dreams. Hannah's birth. Nathan's teeth. And just today, I reconnected with two of my very best friends in the entire world. God is good...

This next year, I am going to be more intentional about acknowledging my blessings, and writing about everything for which I ought to be thankful. I have been truly blessed beyond measure, and I need more than just one day a year to celebrate that.

So, to all my friends, even those of you to the North and those across the Pond, Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful for you, more than you know.

Wordless Wednesday - A Birthday Celebration

2008-11-26T22:46:00.005-06:00

Enjoying cake batter...A family tradition.

Such a little lady...

Hannah's cake, made by Mommy

Oooh - Look! A candle!!!

Can I please have cake???

That's more like it...

Chocolate! My favorite!

My new sippy - my favorite gift, so far. I can't put it down...

I guess we figured out how to open presents after all!

A good time was had by all...

Bittersweet

2008-11-25T19:27:00.002-06:00

Two years ago today, I was initiated into a club. This was not something that I sought - not somewhere I ever expected to be. But still, there I was - crushed and numb, mourning the loss of a child. Two years ago today, I had a miscarriage.

The pregnancy was a surprise - Brian and I *thought * we were done. But we've thought that before, too... And, to both of our own shock and surprise, all Brian and I felt, once we saw those two lines, was pure joy. No panic or angst - only elation. Almost giddy. Which is strange, considering what we *should* have been feeling. On his salary, we could barely afford our 5, never mind one more. And we'd need a new mode of transportation, since both of our current minivans each seat 7. And who *has* six kids these days??? Seriously, who does that??!!?? But despite everything we knew in our heads, our hearts were rejoicing.

I knew, though, from the beginning. I knew that it wasn't right. I've been pregnant too many times to know what it is supposed to feel like. And this one didn't. I'd have fleeting symptoms from time to time, enough to give me hope, but deep in my soul I knew that it wasn't going to last. But I held out hope. I even abstained from indulging in wine at Thanksgiving dinner. Not even a sip. I took my prenatals and folic acid. But I knew...

And, as we were about to leave my brother's house, to drive the 2 and a half hours back to Davenport from Chicago, it began. I think I cried the entire trip home. Quietly, though, because we didn't want the kids to know. We've had too many experiences with infant loss in our circle of close friends that they almost expect babies to die. I wanted to spare them from this...

After a visit to the midwife, it was confirmed that the baby stopped growing around 4-5 weeks, but it took until 7.5 weeks for my body to catch on. It was not painful, though, which was a blessing. I know many women who have endured unbearable physical pain along with the loss of their babies, but I was given the gift of a peaceful passing. And for that, I am grateful.

Brian and I are fortunate to be surrounded by people who had gone before us into this club, and they ushered us through the initiation rites with gentleness and understanding. They helped us to grieve, not only in our own individual ways, but together, as a couple, mourning what could have been. And by the grace of God, what could have torn us apart, brought us closer, giving a new dimension to our life together. We talked, and cried, and held each other. And we began to dare to think about the future. We decided to give ourselves the holiday season to let things settle, and to process just what had happened.

And so, with the dawning of the new year, we began to pray and discern where God was leading us. We were both so surprised with our own gut reactions to the prospect of adding another child to our family. Apparently, we weren't as *done* as we thought we were. *smile* So after much time on our knees, talking to God and to each other, we decided to go ahead and try for three months to conceive another child. Since I was almost 39, we didn't want to prolong TTC if it wasn't going to happen. But we also wanted to give it a try, because getting pregnant has always come easy for me. So if it were going to happen, it would happen quickly. If not, we were ok with that, too. It was all in God's hands.

As it happened, the first month we really tried, we got our answer, in the form of two lines. And nine months later, we welcomed that sweet baby girl whose birthday we celebrated just 5 days ago. Without this loss, we would not know the joy that Hannah has brought into our lives, once again proving that God does, indeed, redeem all things.

Today, I remember. I remember the child we lost, whose hands we never got to hold, whose toes we never got to count, whose head we never got to kiss. But my heart overflows with gratefulness for the child who now nuzzles at my breast, who is because God opened our hearts one more time. And I realize what a joy, and a blessing, that is, in a way that I never could have, before. And I give thanks for all of it - the sorrow, the grief, and the joy. And I will never again take for granted the gift of life. But most of all, I long for the day I will gather all of my children together, at the feet of Jesus, and know that my joy will be complete. Until that day, God bless you, Little One. Mommy loves you, and Jesus loves you even more.

Writer's Block

2008-11-24T22:30:00.000-06:00

I knew that it would happen at some point during this month. I just didn't expect that it would be today. After suffering through a basically sleepless night with Hannah (who never really settled, and since we co-sleep, consequently, neither did I), I was fighting exhaustion from the moment I crumbled out of bed. I've had one of those days where it's difficult to put two thoughts together, never mind try to be coherent. My temper has been short, and I've burst into tears for no apparent reason, other that the fact that I need sleep. Really. Need. Sleep.

I had lots of plans for what I wanted to accomplish today. All I managed to get done was one load of laundry, and to keep up with the kids - getting them fed, clothed, out the door, and back into bed this evening. I'm struggling with feelings of inadequacy, and constantly being behind the curve. As in, I had the downstairs *mostly* clean the day before Hannah's birthday last week. However, in mere 24 hours, you couldn't tell I'd even swept the kitchen floor. *sigh*

So I want to apologize to my readers (all 2 of you - you know who you are) for my appalling lack of any meaningful discourse this evening. And to thank you for indulging me in this mini pity party. Hopefully, I'll get to rest more than just dozing tonight, and I'll awake tomorrow with a brighter outlook, and a renewed trust that God will take care of it all.

Well, I guess I did run on a bit for someone who supposedly had nothing to say... Sorry about that...

Back to your regularly scheduled blogging...

The Advent Conspiracy

2008-11-23T16:16:00.001-06:00

While I was perusing Facebook this weekend, I happened upon one of Brian's mentors from seminary, and he had joined this group . So I clicked on the link, and found something amazing. The Advent Conspiracy is an organization seeking to raise awareness of how far we've drifted from the original intent of Advent and Christmas, and to encourage a return to seeking and celebrating simply the Season, without falling victim to the commercialism, crassness, and guilt that is heaped upon us by our society.

They advocate four points to change the way you celebrate Christmas this year.

Worship fully
Spend less
Give more
Love all

This really spoke to me. Every year, I have a semi-breakdown while shopping for gifts and making all the preparations. All the glitz and gimme-gimme drowning out the true message of Christ's birth. It gives me fits. Every year. And the pressure to buy gifts for my kids, who have enough. More than enough. But they still expect to find something under the tree on Christmas morning, and I need to find things that they will actually use... *sigh*

Now, these people aren't going to suggest that we stop giving presents altogether. But they do have some great ideas on how to be better stewards of our resources this season, something which I found very helpful. One of the places they link to is RethinkingChristmas.com, which has some brilliant ideas on alternative gift ideas. Great stuff. This is one website that I will be coming back to again and again.

And so, I invite you to come along with me, as we give thanks this week, and begin to look towards the birth of our Lord. Join the Conspiracy. Be subversive. Give joyfully. Love radically. Be the in-breaking of the Kingdom. Wait with me, in a new way, this Advent season. Prepare the way of the Lord.

Catching My Breath

2008-11-22T23:00:00.001-06:00

It dawned on Brian and me this afternoon, at some point, between Angel Food distribution, chauffeuring Nathan to a birthday party, and various other errands and issues, that we haven't really a real day off, or respite from anything, in about 2 months. Something always comes up - there are people to visit in the hospital, counseling sessions, meetings, school events, meetings, pastoral emergencies, and did I mention meetings??? He even had one scheduled on Thursday night, Hannah's first birthday. Fortunately, he was able to go late, and slip out between dinner and cake for about 20 minutes to attend to the business at hand, but it really brought home just how crazy things have gotten.

It's hard on Brian, being the only one at the church. It's all on him, and there's no break. No assistant, no deacon. Half the time, he doesn't even have a secretary. And, because of all of the outreach that he's involved in, people who aren't even members of our church seek him out for their pastoral issues and hospital visits. It's good work - what he is called to do, but it's draining.

Add to that the responsibility of a family, and the fact that 6 kids require *all* of my time and attention, in one form or another. Like now, as Hannah is fussing, because she wants all-mommy-all-the-time. *sigh* Neither one of us is getting any relief. And both of us know that, and are well aware of the risks of burn-out.

And, now, Advent will be upon us in another week, calling us to prepare ourselves for the coming of the Christ Child. It's hard to put yourself in a waiting frame of mind when all you can see around you is list after list of things to get done, places to be, and things that must be attended to. So I must trust that God will see us through the next few weeks, giving each of us the strength and grace to keep it all together, and to provide moments of rest to recharge.

So, as we begin, this week, to enter onto the Holiday season, I pray that God will give me the grace to get through it all, to do what needs to be done, to let go of that which is not necessary, and to keep the Main Thing the main thing. And I pray that we'll also get some really awesome free time in the not-too-distant future, and that we'll not lose sight of what all this fuss is really all about - a Baby, born in a manger, who gave up everything, that we might return with Him, one day, to His house, and through Him, to learn the true meaning of Love.

Silly BlogThings Quiz

2008-11-21T09:18:00.006-06:00

Since it's Friday, and I'm still recovering from all of the emotions of yesterday, and gearing up for yet another busy weekend, I'm weaseling out of anything even remotely deep and philosophical, by sharing one of those silly quiz things. You know you've always loved them, secretly, from the first time you took one in Seventeen magazine... *grin*

And, in honor of the fact that today is, indeed, Friday, for all of my blender-drink loving friends... Here it is...

You Are a Strawberry Margarita

You're so sweet it's a little overwhelming, and people are a little afraid of corrupting you...

It's a little difficult to imagine you with a margarita. And you're truly a different person after you've kicked back a couple!

What Flavor Margarita Are You?

I suppose it fits... Once upon a time, I used to consider myself "sweet and innocent." I do, however, like to think I'm still sweet, although maybe not so innocent as I once was... *bats eyelashes*

So, go on... Take the quiz. You know you want to... *grin* And share with me what flavor YOU are...

And to answer your question, YES. I fully intend to enjoy something cold and fruity from *my* blender later this evening. Even if it is flurrying, as predicted...

Happy Birthday, Hannah!

2008-11-20T08:37:00.007-06:00

One year ago today, at 2:22 AM, we welcomed Hannah Kathryn into our family. And what a day that was! In case you missed it, you can read her birth story here. Her entrance into this world was just perfect, as was she. And every single one of those days since, she has been a true blessing.

Here are a few pics from that day...

Just 7 minutes old. 8 lbs 12.5 oz, 21" long... Perfect, healthy baby girl

Snuggled up with Mommy

Baby burrito

Being born is hard work...

Going home

Two days old, on Thanksgiving, with Daddy

Once upon a time, if you had told me that I would be the mother of six, I would have told you that you were nuts. Well, I might not have had the words, exactly. Who *does* that, anyway???? But I remain, every single day, amazed and humbled by these wonderful, priceless gifts that God has entrusted to me for safekeeping. I have the greatest job in the world. I am privileged to be able to watch them grow, to be included in their circle of love. Every time I look into her intense brown eyes, I am reminded of just what an incredible gift Hannah is. There are no words to express that feeling.

And yet, that overflowing in my heart is only a dim and dark reflection of that Love which our Father has for us. Wow. It's just almost too much to contemplate. So on this memorable morning, I thank God for all of the blessings that He has lavished upon me, His daughter. And I'll give my almost-no-longer-a-baby an extra snuggle, and rejoice as all eight of us gather this evening for cake and presents - and be reminded of the Feast to come.

Thank you, Lord, for all the blessings of this life.

Wordless Wednesday - Autumn Randomness

2008-11-19T19:21:00.000-06:00

David, on his tricycle

Amanda and David, in the leaves

David, engrossed in the joys of fall

Gotta love those leaf piles...

Hannah, on Halloween

More...

Earlier this week, first time with a fork. She did quite well...

David, being silly with me

Some Musings, as International Babywearing Week draws to a Close

2008-11-18T14:29:00.006-06:00

As a mother to a rather large brood, I can honestly say that I don't know how I would have been able to survive if I had not worn my babies (and yes, toddlers, and even the occasional preschooler...). And although it's something that's always come naturally for me, I must admit that I do, in fact, still relish the stares I get while wearing my babies in public. Some are smiles of approval and the recognition, however brief, of a kindred spirit. Others are wide-eyed shock, some questioning, and some, that all-too-familiar head shake - "Oh-look-at-the-hippy-granola-crunchy-wacko-lady." The last is especially amusing to me, when I have all six kids in tow. *evil grin*

On more than one occasion, I have been able to mentor a young mom, who at first gave me those same askance glances, but after talking with her, was off to eagerly browse websites and join TBW.com. I love doing that. No, it's not strange, alien, weird, or abnormal to use a sling. And no, the baby isn't going to grow up spoilt, whiny, and clingy because they are being worn. What you *will* find is a happy, secure, attached baby, and a more in-tune, relaxed mom. Babies and their parents were made to need each other, made to need to crave closeness and intimacy. And if you can get that while having both your hands free, everyone wins!

Slings don't take up room on the subway, and they are great in airports. They fit easily in a diaper bag. Some even have multiple uses - blanket, leash, nursing cover.... The list is almost endless. And so what if I've dripped salsa on a baby's fuzzy head? I've also been able to feed the same child while eating my own dinner. Older children love to ride on your back - and Daddy's back is even better!

And I love it when my kids (especially Nathan - he's so good with babies...) ask to use the sling. They will have grown up thinking it's normal to keep a wee one close, and already know how much easier babywearing makes life with a newborn. Just as they think cloth diapers are "real" diapers, they'll know that babies are meant to be close to their hearts - in every way. And while I know that not every baby enjoys being worn, many do, and learning his skill will make that transition easier for them as new parents.

***Ok, is anyone else a little freaked out that I'm thinking of grandchildren already???***

And so, on that note, I'll bit adieu to International Babywearing Week, with the hope that more mamas and daddies out there will discover the joys of holding their babies close to their hearts. And that I'll be able to continue to spread the babywearing love to everyone I meet.

Long live babywearing!

My Stash of Baby Carriers

2008-11-17T14:02:00.005-06:00

So I'm back to posting in honor of International Babywearing Week. And as promised, here are some pics of my stash. And yes, I even dug out the trusty old Snugli. *grin*
My Lucky Baby, lined with green minkee

The Comfy Joey - green side is silk, I think...

Kozy Carrier mei tai, with pocket, Blue Swirls

My mama-made ring sling (thanks, Leeann!)

OTSBH, from Amanda

NoJo BabySling

The Snugli that started it all...

And finally... My rainbow of babywearing love... All together, living in harmony...

I've really come a long way from those first days of my blue and while Snugli. I'd like to add a BabyHawk, and maybe an Ergo, one of these days. But really, I'm happy with my stash. And I'm happy to have been able to share the babywearing love with you!

A Sunday Full of Blessings

2008-11-16T22:41:00.005-06:00

Today began like any other Sunday, with Brian and Nathan getting up and leaving for the early service, and me getting the other ones ready for Sunday School and the late service. Hannah is still teething (darn molars), and wanted to nurse and nap instead of letting Mommy get ready. So we just make it before the service music begins, and as I drop Hannah off in the nursery, I have to deal with bad attitudes from both Nathan and David. *sigh* Not exactly the perfect lead-in for worship...

But somehow, through all of the noise God met me there, and the day began to change.

Brian had been gearing a noise coming from the blue van, newly fixed, and running again (thanks, Dad!), and had quit driving it. He thought it might be a belt coming through one of the tires (yeah - we need 4 new ones - they're bald. *sigh*), because it felt wobbly and kind of thumped. He drove it to church this morning, though, so I could come in my van at my convenience, since Hannah was so fussy. Well, as it turns out, it wasn't the tread. When the garage changed the flat while doing the other repairs, they apparently didn't tighten the lug nuts all the way. *eek* And it was completely by the grace of God that the wheel didn't come flying off at any point during the last month. Brian got them tightened down after church, and we're good. What a miracle!!!

And so, as the kids are settling down for a much-needed quiet time (they were wiped out from the wedding and trip yesterday), I sat down at my computer and logged on to FaceBook, to be greeted with a friend request from our former neighbors in Ambridge, while Brian was in seminary. I can't tell you how good it was to see her name! They have a large family, and homeschooled also, and our kids played so well together. I can assure you that we will never have better neighbors anywhere we ever live. Ever. And both of us have been too busy to catch up by other means, so FaceBook is the perfect opportunity for us to keep in touch. Well that, and the fact that my kids want me to ask if her kids have Webkinz, so they can play together. Again, what an unexpected shower of God's goodness and grace!

And lastly, I was perusing one of my favorite Mommy Boards while nursing Hannah to sleep, when I noticed one of my friends posted a link to Target for an INCREDIBLE deal on a Britax Marathon. This top-rated convertible car seat, which retails for around $250-$280, was on sale for an amazing $42.99. Yes, you read that right. FORTY TWO DOLLARS AND 99 CENTS. Well, $46.00, with tax. Free shipping. I have been stressing about how we were going to afford a new carseat for Hannah, who has pretty much outgrown her Graco SnugRide. I have lusted after a Britax seat for years, but we were never in a position to be able to afford one. These are the safest, highest rated seats on the market. And now, I am the proud owner of one. It might take up to six weeks to get here, but I really don't care. It was such a good deal! Once again, God knew the need, and met it, going beyond my wildest dreams.

We are called to abundant living. God wants so much for us - he is just waiting to let our cups overflow with bounty. And today I was given a lesson in that. Truly, He is great and loving beyond measure. My heart is spilling over with joy, praise, and love. Thank you, Lord, for all the blessings you have poured out on me today. And, please, make me truly thankful.

Amen.

I'm Half Way There!

2008-11-15T11:49:00.002-06:00

I'm taking a break from International Babywearing Week today, mostly because I'm leaving in a few minutes for a wedding in Des Moines this evening (Congratulations, John and McB!!!!). I'm looking forward to the celebration because we'll get to see many of our old friends from St. Tim's. But I'm bummed because we can't attend the luncheon reception tomorrow, since Brian has to get back for services in the morning. This is one time when I wish we lived closer to Des Moines...

But I'm also very proud of myself, because I've made it to the half-way point in my NaBloPoMo quest. I wasn't sure I'd make it this far, and I *know* my dear husband is shocked! So I want to thank all of my faithful readers for indulging me, for inspiring me, and for coming along for the ride.

Gotta run - but I'll be back tomorrow!

Ring Slings, Mei Tais, and Pouches, Oh My!!!!

2008-11-14T22:04:00.000-06:00

As I wrote yesterday, I made it through many years (and four babies, to be exact) with only my lowly Snugli. I was simply addicted to babywearing, and couldn't imagine life without it.

So it came to be that I gave birth to my 5th child, David, and my sister generously lent me her NoJo BabySling. And so, my odyssey into babywearing diversification had begun. The ring sling was a new concept for me, but several of my friends in seminary had Maya Wraps, and I was eager to test the concept. The main difference was that my Nojo was padded, and the Maya wraps were not. Adjusting to the ring sling took some time. There was a bit of a learning curve, I must admit. But I eventually got it all figured out. And my trusty, faithful Snugli was finally retired. I think I might still have it - I will have to dig around and see...

And so, my love affair with ring slings began. I used the heck out of that sling. I carried David everywhere. My parents gave me a second-hand swing, but I rarely used it. Both David and I were happier with him being worn. It was natural to me by this point, and we were homeschooling. It made it so much easier to be able to have David happy in the sling that to have him whining on the floor or somewhere else wile I was helping the kids with school.

But the fall that David was 9 months old, my sister was getting ready to have her 4th baby, and so, like the good sister I am, I packed up our shared stash of newborn clothes and the sling. *sniff* We had no extra money, with Brian being in seminary, so I couldn't replace it. But I have the most generous friends in the world - my on-line mommy=friends... And several of them very kindly sent me replacements - either from their own stash, or brand new. You ladies are angels! I was now the very proud owner of a mama-made ring sling (unpadded, unlike the Nojo, which was heavily padded), an Over The Shoulder Baby Holder ring sling, and a Kozy Carrier Mei Tai. A whole new world of possibilities had opened up to me...

I liked the OTBH in the house, for naps. The padding was nice and comfy for David. I used the mama-made RS when we went out, because it fit neatly and compactly in the diaper bag. It was also the RS of choice as he grew, because it was more adjustable than the OTSBH, and I am very short - the padding would get in the way. But I absolutely LOVED the versatility of my Kozy. It was everything that the Snugli of old had been, but better. And WAY cooler. Front-carry, back-carry, hip-carry. I get so many compliments when I wear the Kozy.

And so I was able to continue to wear David. And then, when Hannah cam along, another one of my on-line mommy-friends offered to sell me her Lucky Baby pouch sing. And I took her up on her offer. Boy, am I glad I did! I am a total LB convert. It's my go-to sling, now. It has that nice, soft, buttery minkee lining. *sigh* It is compact, and multifunctional. And oh-so-stylish. It's pretty much perfect! This lovely lady threw in a Comfy Joey silk pouch sling, too, for free! It's been wonderful for those formal outings. I've attended a couple of weddings and brought it along. So chic!

But I still have all of my stash accessible, and I do still use them all. The Kozy is great for long walks, and she loves the back-carry. The kids use my ring slings, because they are adjustable. Yes, my children (girls *and* boys) wear their siblings. It warms my heart... They are going to be such good attached parents, some day... And the LB lives on top of the diaper bag, ready to come with me, and ready to grab if I need to comfort a teething, cranky little girl. ANd the Joey for hot summer days, and for when I'm in the mood to be stylin'.

So there you have it... My babywearing journey, in a nutshell. I've come a long way in 14 years, from that light blue Snugli. But I wouldn't have changed it for the world. Now, maybe I ought to work on pics of the stash...

Babywearing - A Love Story

2008-11-13T17:32:00.000-06:00

From the moment I gave birth to my first child, in December of 1994, I knew that I would want to keep this child always close to my heart. I knew nothing of babywearing. All I knew was that being attached to my child made sense. It felt right. It made me happy. I was babywearing before babywearing was cool or hip. It was, in fact, quite hippy - a bit granola, even, for the Dallas suburb where we lived at the time. But then again, I was parenting by instinct - an AP mom before I'd even heard of Dr. Sears or Attachment Parenting. I just followed my heart. And I knew my baby belonged close to it.

I have been wearing my babies for almost 14 years, now. It all began with Sarah, and a Snugli. Yes, I know. Please don't throw anything - I was young, and didn't know any better. It was a front-and-back carrier - very versatile. I had wanted a Bjorn, but they were very expensive, and the Snugli was about half the price. I couldn't find a pic of my first one, which burned up in the fire (it was similar - but blue chambray with white trim). So here's the one I replaced it with.

I loved it. Yes - I know... How much more I would have loved a ring sling, an Ergo, even a Bjorn... But it did what I needed it to do... And I even got Brian to use it. Yes - real men *do* wear their babies! He liked to wear them on his back, mostly. But hey - I think it's sexy when a man wears his child...

I used it everywhere - to the grocery store, on walks around the neighborhood, at the mall. It was just so much easier than dealing with the stroller. This was back in the dark ages - before travel systems where you could just pop the bucket into your stroller. I simply buckled on the Snugli, and tucked Sarah in. I was able to do laundry, cook, and clean, all without putting my baby down. I put her on, and she was happy. She slept. This was ingenious! Why wasn't EVERYONE doing this???????

And when Amanda came along, I was able to wear her, and keep Sarah in the stroller. When you've got a newborn, and a 20 month-old, babywearing is a lifesaver. When we found out that Nathan was on the way, we went ahead and bought a double stroller. So I was still able to take all 3 kids out by myself. (By myself??? What was I *thinking*???) Having a 3 year-old, a 21 month-old, and a newborn -I could not have survived without the Snugli!

And after the fire in the fall of '98, I replaced my Snugli, but not the swing. I found that I would rather wear my babies than put them in the swing. We both liked it better, actually. And I've had 3 more kids, and still no swing. But my collection of baby carriers has increased exponentially... *grin*

I truly love wearing my babies. It just feels so natural - keeping them close to my heart, where they grew for 9 months. And a carrier is much more user-friendly that a swing or a stroller, and takes up much less space than either one. And I've grown accustomed to the inquiring glances and the strange looks - even gotten to enjoy them. Kind of like nursing in public... *grin* Like I said - I never knew any better. I just did what came naturally. And babywearing did. Still does. In's a wonderful fringe benefit of my job. I love it.

Tomorrow - My first ring sling - and beyond...

Wordless Wednesday - International Babywearing Week!

2008-11-12T18:04:00.005-06:00

Me, wearing David, in my mama-made ring sling, Summer of '06, at the Museum of Natural History in DC

David, in my Kozy, hip-carry, trying to climb out to pet the doggies at the Feast of St. Francis, Blessing of the Animals, Fall '06

I just realized that I have no pics of Hannah being worn, mostly b/c I am the one always holding the camera! Must change that... And the others are all non-digital pics, and our scanner is less-than-adept with good quality pics.

And make sure you check out Adventures in Babywearing this week, for lots more info on babywearing. You, too, could be entered to win a free sling from Nonny & Boo!

More on my love affair with babywearing to come...

Meditation for Tuesday

2008-11-11T16:24:00.002-06:00

I have been trying to get back into the habit of daily devotionals. I tend to be woefully neglectful in that department - something which really bothers me. But finding any sort of quiet time in my days is difficult at best.. *sigh* So it remains a catch-as-catch-can sort of thing.

I have picked up an old standby, recently - God Calling. The meditations are short enough for me to read over in a minute or two, but have enough substance for me to ponder throughout the day. There is an online version here. Today's message really spoke to me...

November 11 - Heaven's Colors

Looking back you will see that every step was planned. Leave all to Me. Each stone in the mosaic fits into the perfect pattern, designed by the Master Artist.

It is all so wonderful!

But the colors are of Heaven's hues, so that your eyes could not bear to gaze on the whole, until you are beyond the veil.

So, stone by stone, you see, and trust the pattern to the Designer.

This really spoke to me, today. So often, we stumble through our days, just trying to get from one thing to another, and hoping that we don't leave anything behind in the process. And when we stop to catch a breath, all we can see is a pile of stones and mortar.

I do find myself, from time to time, having to step back and remember that there *is* indeed a bigger picture, one that we can't see. I am often reminded of all the seemingly random things that happened to Brian and me during our lives which have prepared us for his ministry, things which, at the time, appeared to be tragic at worst, and inconvenient at best. But God wastes nothing, and He has redeemed all things. We will not see the masterpiece of His perfect will until our days on this side of the Cross are done, and we dine with Him at His great banquet feast in the life to come.

And in the meantime, I keep telling myself that even though all I may see is a cracked stone, a broken shard, God is using that to create something of surpassing beauty, something so perfect that it can be appreciated only by His eyes. And I must trust that He can, and will, honor that promise, no matter how shattered and broken things look to my clouded eyes. And I hold onto that hope with all of my heart.

Confessions of an Untidy Housewife

2008-11-10T17:32:00.001-06:00

I think it's entirely possible that I have the messiest house on the planet. No matter what I do, I never seem to be able to get it under control. Yes, I realize that I do have six kids, and that does, in fact, contribute to the disorganization, but I feel that I ought to be able to keep up with things much better than I actually do. *sigh*

I have tried FlyLady, but the best I can seem to do with that is to have my sink clean before bed. And forget about the whole putting on shoes to clean your house... I wear shoes outdoors under protest, only when necessitated by weather conditions and the fact that Target won't allow me in with bare feet. Having to wear shoes inside my house is just WRONG. Period.

It's not like I dislike housekeeping, either. I have done it for pay, for years. I did light cleaning for an elderly widow when I was in high school, after her husband died. He was the tidy one, and she just couldn't bring herself to take on those chores after he passed. And I worked as a housekeeper in a B&B summers in high school and college. I don't mind cleaning someone else's house, but when it comes to my own, somehow I just can't quite keep up. *sigh*

I suppose one contributing factor is that my husband doesn't really mind the mess. If he did, I'd probably be more motivated to do something about it. But he'd rather relax during his off time than help me with the chores, and there's something to that - there is a true need for a Sabbath which is often neglected in our busy-busy culture. And I'd rather spend my time interacting with my kids than sweeping the kitchen floor for the twentieth time this week.

A wise friend of mine once commented to me that she discovered that she was a much nicer person when she had a dirty floor. Clean floors would always bring out the b*tch in her - yelling at her kids to keep everything just so, and generally becoming not a very nice person. But once the floor wasn't so pristine anymore, she discovered that she had mellowed, and the little things would slide off her back much more easily.

I have tried to learn from her wisdom, as she is a mom of 4. But I am afraid that I take it to the extreme. My kitchen floor is beyond dirty, most days.. Shoes, coats, toys, school papers... And that's not even mentioning the crumbs, wrappers, and other assorted gunk that accumulates and reproduces under the kitchen table...

I have been told that as the wife of a priest, I need to be ready for drop-in visits at all times. Ummm - no. Not here... But fortunately, most of the people in our parish respect that I have 6 kids, and are kind enough to call first, giving me enough time to shove and sweep things into some sort of pretend order.

Am I proud of this??? No. But I am trying to improve, bit by bit. One day, I do realize, the wee ones will be no longer wee, and I will have more freedom to engage in orderly homekeeping. But for now, I will settle for clean enough, and hope the guests don't mind...

Settling in...

2008-11-09T15:31:00.003-06:00

I think it's official. The cold weather is here to stay. We've been spoiled, here in Iowa, by some extraordinarily warm weather, late in the season. Getting my kids to accept the fact that they do, now, in fact, *need* winter coats has been more of a battle that I would have liked it to be. And then, there's the annual sorting out of who has grown out of what, and what can be passed down to whom, and who needs new boots, mittens, etc. And trying to remember exactly where I put all this stuff last spring... *rolls eyes*

And as I sit here, snuggled up with my fuzzy socks and warm fleece pants, menu-planning for this coming week, I am dreaming of all the yummy winter comfort foods I have to chooses from. Chicken pot pie, chili, French onion soup, lasagna, enchilada casserole... And that's just for starters... Too much good food...

The kids had hot chocolate after church. I buy this in bulk, you know... And I was informed that I need to get marshmallows, too, because no self-respecting mug of hot cocoa is fully dressed without those sweet white puffs. And whipped cream, if I'll let them...

Soon, it will be more than just flurries I'm watching out the window, and wind chills will be in the unspeakable range. And I'll be making Christmas cookies, and lighting Advent candles. And, at some point, the cold will begin to seep into my bones, and I'll begin to yearn for spring. But right now, I think I'm just going to grab my own warm, chocolate beverage, drop in a few marshmallows, squirt on the whipped cream, and dream of homemade cream soup and the scent of baking bread, and entertain visions of my sugar plums snuggled up around the fire.

Reflections on my weekend

2008-11-08T21:21:00.005-06:00

Well, we have returned home from the 156th Annual Convention of the Episcopal Diocese of Iowa. And although my husband had to endure all of the minutia of plenary sessions, resolutions, budgets, and voting, ad nauseam, I was able (for the most part) to simply enjoy the worship services. Well, in between dealing with the 3 boys and Hannah - spotty child care and meal planning by the organizers (which is, in all fairness, light years better than past conventions, as there actually *was* childcare...) And Hannah is teething. Again. More molars... *sigh* So she was velcro-baby - all-mommy-all-the-time... The big girls were safely ensconced across the street at a lock-in, though...

But anyway... In my moments of quiet, (and some not-so-quiet) I was able to be reminded again of exactly why I am an Episcopalian. I love the liturgy. Love it. The pageantry and the mystery speak to my soul. The familiarity of the prayers, the power of words spoken in community - in communion, the power of coming to the Table together. The knowledge that I can walk into any Episcopalian or Anglican church, anywhere in the country, anywhere in the world, and pray those same prayers, and worship together, just fills my heart. It really *is* all about Jesus, and how, despite all our many differences, He can bring us together. And that's a beautiful thing...

Random Thoughts

2008-11-07T21:58:00.003-06:00

I am in Des Moines this evening, for the Iowa Diocesan convention - where all of the clergy, and selected lay people of the Episcopal church gather once a year to fellowship and decide the future for the church for the next year. Or so I'm told. Something like that, anyway... It's nice to be back in central Iowa, since we spent 8 wonderful years here. The kids are in bed, and we're in a bar, drinking beer. And thus, is my 7th NaBloPoMo post is born...

My random thoughts for the evening...

The absolute *worst* weather on the planet is 33 degrees and raining. Which we drove through from Davenport to Des Moines, and had to walk through to the cathedral. Not fun...
Babysitting for dinner would have been nice, this evening. Fortunately, I have a 10-year old, who was able to watch the younger 3 while we ate, and I had to go back to the room only 3 times...
Iowans are friendly people. I really *do* love the midwest.
I am looking forward to going to the new mall tomorrow, which is walking distance from the house we lived in before Brian was called to the priesthood. I miss that house... And the mall...
It's good that we moved. being within walking distance from the Cheesecake Factory would not have been good for my figure...

So, is that random enough for you???? And now, if you don't mind, I'll go and enjoy the rest of my beer... or two... *grin*

Thankful Thursday

2008-11-06T22:03:00.000-06:00

I did, in fact, have this wonderful, sweet post planned out, and then my day went haywire. I'd use other language to describe it, but there are kids around... *sigh* So I'm not in the same frame of mind that I was when I began this post, oh, 12 hours ago... *sigh*

But I do want to start a tradition of expressing my gratitude for the blessings that have been given to me, and I thought that Thursdays would be a good place to start. Several of my blogging friends are doing similar exercises, for an entire month. I'll try to get there, but my life is so random that I really better just start small.

I am thankful, today, that we have food on our table. There are so many around me that don't. I see them every time that I go into church to see Brian - all the Angel Food people, all those we serve at the Community Meal... The people lined up outside the free lunch cafe downtown... Those invisible people that you hear about, but never really see... But by the grace of God, we are able to eat. And we eat well. And when you've got a family of 8, that's no small thing. There are days when I am glad that the kids actually *like* ramen noodles, and that they do, in fact, request pasta at least once a week. And occasionally, we get to enjoy more exotic fare, like Chicken Tikka Masala, chicken enchiladas, all kinds of Chinese food... And let's not forget fondue - cheese, or chocolate...

Yes, I am blessed, not only with the food that is provided for us, but also with a gift to prepare it. To be able to take the slimmest of pantry fodder and make a meal that the majority of the kids will eat. And to take the most exotic ingredients, and craft them into a delicious feast. Cooking is, for me, like therapy. It clears my head, calms me down. I am thankful that I am able do bless my family with the fruits of my labors. I hope to post some of my recipes in the future - you know, if I ever get time to type them out... *grin*

So there you have it. Kind of mundane, but then again, not so much. I am truly thankful that we can eat, and eat abundantly. And what a wonderful thing that is...

Wordless Wednesday -Fall Fun

2008-11-05T15:54:00.001-06:00

Pics taken by Nathan, age 10
I think he might have a future, here...

Hannah, in the leaves

David, in the circle

The artist...

The tree out front of our house

Hannah, again

Robbie

I voted.

2008-11-04T10:59:00.004-06:00

So I did it. Did my civic duty. Took David and Hannah, picked Brian up at church, and cast our ballots. And guess what? There were no lines - no waiting - although that may have been due to the fact that we went at 10 AM - missed the breakfast and lunch rushes, and beat the after-work crowds. And I am proudly sporting my cute "I voted" sticker. I hear that you can get a bunch of free stuff merely by showing off that sticker! Might have to look into that...

And how are we spending the rest of our day? We are grilling hamburgers on the deck - how much more patriotic can you get??? Come to think of it, maybe I ought to make brownies, too... I love this country!

And if you haven't already, go get yourself one of those cute little stickers, too!

Indian Summer

2008-11-03T16:30:00.000-06:00

Today was a beautiful day. Mid 70s, sunny... *sigh* Darn near perfect. One of the last such days we will enjoy until May, I dare say. And because one night last week we had a killing frost, this is true Indian Summer. I have been enjoying the fragrance of fall wafting in through the open windows, and I even got outside for a bit to try to capture some of the last vestiges of color that will inhabit my yard until spring. Now, I am decidedly *not* a professional photographer. Not even close... But I thought it was worth shooting...

The burning bush out back. LOVE the color...

Hedge apples in the lawn. These are supposed to keep spiders away, but the kids have decided that they make better speed bumps for the cars that fly by on the street behind our house...

The very last flowers in bloom in my yard. I am trusting that these are actual flowers, and *not* weeds. I am gardening impaired... *sigh*

The last of the apples on the tree. These were sooooo yummy...

And last but not least... A gratuitous kitty pic... Guinevere, enjoying life, in her bed on the porch.

We are all soaking up these last few wisps of fall, because before we know it, winter will be upon us, with its icy blasts, grey days, and salt trucks.

They are predicting snow by the end of the week...

I Sing a Song of the Saints of God...

2008-11-02T12:36:00.005-06:00

Yes, I know that yesterday was technically All Saints Day, but today is All Saints SUNDAY - the day when we Episcopalians gather to celebrate the Feast of All Saints. Which means we get to sing some wonderful traditional songs as part of the liturgy and worship. The processional was For All the Saints - a requisite part of any self-respecting Anglican service, and which, this year, brought me to tears, as I remembered my grandmother, who passed away last March. Surely she was singing with me, her voice far brighter than mine...

But my very favorite part of today's service every year is this song...

I Sing a Song of the Saints of God

I sing a song of the saints of God, patient and brave and true,

Who toiled and fought and lived and died for the Lord they loved and knew.
And one was a doctor, and one was a queen,

And one was a shepherdess on the green;
They were all of them saints of God and I mean, God helping, to be one too.

They loved their Lord so dear, so dear, and his love made them strong.
And they followed the right for Jesus’ sake the whole of their good lives long.
And one was a soldier, and one was a priest,

And one was slain by a fierce wild beast,
And there’s not any reason, no not the least, why I shouldn’t be one too.

They lived not only in ages past, there are hundreds of thousands still.
The world is bright with the joyous saints, who love to do Jesus’ will.
You can meet them in school, or in lanes, or at sea,

In church, or in trains, or in shops, or at tea,
For the saints of God are just folk like me, and I mean to be one too.

I remember singing this when I was young, and thinking how very proper, and how very British it sounded. I have always been an Anglophile, after spending several years just south of London as a child, and all things British , well, just make me happy.

I do love this hymn, though. We used to have it in book form, for the kids, but we lost it in the fire 10 years ago, and haven't replaced it yet. It is a great story for the little ones. I like how it explains how we all are saints - it's the little things in the way you live your life - not just those BIG, DRAMATIC moments (although those *do* count, too...) that speak to our love for Jesus. We are called to sainthood in the everyday-edness of our lives - in the way we greet people, how we speak with them, how we honor Christ in them, and His image, in ourselves.

So go out and be a Saint today. And I mean to be one, too...

Well, Here Goes Nothing...

2008-11-01T10:22:00.005-05:00

So. Today is the first of November. And I'm beginning two very ambitious projects. NaBloPoMo, which I've already mentioned, which will be a feat in and of itself, if I make it. But that's not all. I'm also, once again, participating in Diaper Decision's Great Cloth Diaper Hunt. Which all means that I will be spending an inordinate amount of time on my computer. When I mentioned this to Brian, you know... in passing... he reminded me that he has World of Warcraft, and a laptop, and there's an expansion due out mid-month. So he'll survive just fine without me...*grins and rolls eyes* I did, however, tell him to expect that the house would not receive its usual attention... *insert hysterical laughter here* At least my computer is now in the family room, so I can keep an eye on small children whilst I am otherwise engaged...

I am looking forward to both the writing, and the hunting. And I'll be awaiting a visit from those elusive cleaning fairies...

And Happy All Saints Day, everyone!!!!!

Political Overload

2008-10-29T11:30:00.003-05:00

I will be very brief today, mostly because I'm in the middle of several projects...

Am I the only one who can't wait for this whole election mess to be done, already??????? Now, I realize that we've been getting it longer than most of you, because we, here in Iowa, are the host of the Iowa Caucuses, and all of the interested parties show up in full force to inundate us with political spin before most of the rest of you have to begin to endure it. So I'm done with politics. Totally over it. I'm over the biased coverage, the lies, the attitudes, the platitudes.... I'm done.

Yes, I will be voting on Tuesday, and yes, I do have an opinion on who I think ought to win. Those of you who know me will know where I stand. I don't feel the need to fuel the fire by posting that here.

So enjoy the last few days of the campaigns, if that's your thing. I think I'll just go back to cleaning my closet, if you don't mind... Or maybe the litter box. It smells far better than the rhetoric these days... And I will contemplate how much better the world might be if all the money that has been wasted during the past few months of campaigning had been spent on an endeavor that actually accomplished something worthwhile.

Adventures in Blogging

2008-10-25T22:25:00.003-05:00

I think I'm gonna try something. I think I may be crazy. No, I know I'm already crazy - but this just may put me over the edge. But I'm going to do it anyway. There's this little thing called NaBloPoMo. It stands for National Blog Posting Month, which happens every November. It sounds simple enough - one blog post a day, every day, for 30 days. Several of my friends participated last year. I did not, mainly because I was expecting a baby at any moment, and, well, blogging just wasn't at the top of my to-do list. Go figure... *grin*

I used to write. A lot. After all, I *was* a professional student for a while... But then life happened. OK - kids happened... And I've never really gotten back into the swing of it. I do miss it. There was a time in my life when I wanted to write for a living. I'd like to reclaim that part of me that has been lost to mommy-dom. But I do think that I might just be a better writer, now, having walked some of those roads, than I would have been back then. Hey, I can nak, and type, with either hand. Now, THAT'S talent for you...

So watch for me in November. You know where to find me...

Wordless Wednesday - Summer memories...

2008-10-22T14:55:00.006-05:00

Since the wind is blustering through the trees on this autumn afternoon, memories of a warmer day seemed appropriate... Taken at "Grammie and Pop-Pop's Beach" - Hilton Head Island, SC

A Special Birthday Wish

2008-10-21T16:10:00.003-05:00

I'm sending lots of Happy Birthday wishes to my friend Suzy today, who is having to undergo her second chemo treatment for breast cancer on her 33rd birthday. Talk about unfair! She is handling the disease with her typical grace, poise, and attitude. She's gonna kick this cancer --- just wait and see!!!!

And Suzy, I'll be celebrating with you in spirit, both now, and on your honorary birthday, too!

Happy Birthday, dear friend!

Pardon me while I whine...

2008-10-20T09:49:00.004-05:00

This is going to be a completely self-centered, whining, petulant post. So feel free to navigate away, now. I won't be offended, I promise.

I am not happy with how I look. I realize that, far from making me unique, this makes me one with, oh, say... every other woman on the planet. Yet, this does not make me feel better. I look in the mirror, and I cringe. You see, I still have a few pounds of baby weight left to part with, not to mention the few extra pounds I put on after the m/c almost 2 years ago. I have a wardrobe of cute clothes that I bought before we left Pittsburgh (can I tell you how much I miss the Talbot's outlet??? *sniff*) that I am only just now able to begin to squeeze back into.

Part of the problem is that I'm not exercising. *sigh* I know... know... But face it - there's no money for a gym membership, and just getting out the door... Ugh... I have a Nordic Track in the basement, and the cheat sheet from the Pilates class I took in Ambridge (Mary, if you're reading this, I *still* miss that class)... So I could..... Motivation. I just don't have it...

The other thing is that Hannah is still nursing. A lot. And I'm not one of those fortunate girls who loses while breastfeeding. My body, for some strange reason, holds on to that extra padding for dear life, like some kind of outdated biological maternal safety net. I begin to lose as they drop feedings. I had begun to start losing again, after a plateau that lasted most of the late summer and early fall. Hannah was eating more, and nursing less, and so I was down a few more pounds, and getting into more cute clothes. But then, she started teething again - cutting 3 molars at once, and just doesn't want to eat much real food anymore. So, it's back to all Mommy, all the time. *sigh*

I know in my head that it has always taken me right around a year to return to that magical pre-baby number. But somehow, I always think that *this time* it will be different. You would think, after going through this SIX times, that I'd wise up. Call me stupid (hey, I prefer eternally optimistic), but it's not gonna happen sooner. I *know* that, so why does it bother me so much????

And I am blessed beyond words to have a husband who, honestly, doesn't care. As a matter of fact, he took me in his arms and chided me - "Babe, you're not 20 anymore. It sucks, I know, but you're just not going to look like that ever again. And you shouldn't want to. You've had six babies. How many women can do that? You should be proud of that. Every stretch mark, that pooch-belly, all of it - just makes you even more beautiful than you were when you were 21. You're a woman now, not a girl. And that is so sexy. I think you are the hottest woman on the planet."

I love him. He knows just what to say... **silly, slightly embarrassed grin** But honestly, I just don't see it. I look in the mirror and I miss the cute, young thing.

And I feel silly for feeling this way, b/c I know that there are people who are dealing with much more important things on a daily basis - cancer, infertility, job loss, housing situations.... All of which make my rant seem petty and small, and makes me seem ungrateful for the blessings that I have. Perspective is a good thing. But like I said, I'm being self-centered for a minute. I'm not sure I like what that says about me, though... *looong sigh*

But when I look at my kids, it's all worth it. Every single extra pound, stretch mark, and yes, even the not-so-perky girls. I wold not trade it for the world. I cannot imagine my life without them - nor do I want to. So I just plug along, doing my best to accept who I am now, and to be the best wife and mommy I can be. Even if it involves being a little extra fluffy.

My Top Ten List of Guilty Autumn Pleasures

2008-10-17T17:04:00.005-05:00

OK, so I'm doing another list. Hey, they're easy, and fun! So if you're reading this, and you've got your own blog, make one of your own! Drop me a note so I can come read yours, too.

So here they are, in no particular order...

I can get out the flannel sheets.
Apple pie, apple crisp, fresh apple cider...
Frost on the pumpkins, and the crisp, clear air.
Pumpkin seeds!!!!!
I have an excuse to make all those wonderfully tasting, not-so-good-for-you comfort foods - pot pie, chili, chicken curry, lasagne... It's a long list, and I love to eat... *grin*
Hot Chocolate, Chai, and Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Latte.
Cuddling on the couch while watching Sunday afternoon football.
I can get out my sweater collection!
The smell of fallen leaves.
Fuzzy socks!!!!!!!

So grab a cup of something warm, and snuggle up with your sweetie. And Happy Fall!!!!

Wordless Wednesday... Pie, Anyone????

2008-10-15T17:02:00.007-05:00

Fresh peach, from our tree...

And a bonus - Hannah - "I got into this chair all by myself!"

Doin' a Few Shout Outs Today...

2008-10-13T13:29:00.007-05:00

First, I want to give a well-deserved Shout Out to my brother, Jon, who ran his first marathon yesterday. He finished the Chicago Marathon in 5 hours, 4 minutes, and 51 seconds. Since I will never run a marathon, I find his drive and determination impressive. Actually, it's way more than impressive. His team also raised over $300,000 for Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago. WAY TO GO, Jon!!!!!!!

Next, to my friend Laura, for sharing this yummy recipe for Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins. To. Die. For. *drool* If you've ever had Starbucks' version, these are just as good. Only cheaper. Which is also good. No, better. I think the next time I make them, I'll add nuts to the streusel topping, though. Pecans, or walnuts. Not sure which... I love nuts... I also used one can of pumpkin, which is slightly less than the 2 c that is called for, and they still came out wonderful. I am thinking that these will be on the menu for Thanksgiving morning...

And lastly, to my DH, Brian, for finally starting his very own blog. Several people have been working on him for the better part of a year to test the waters in the blogosphere, since everyone loves his writing. His blog consists mostly, of his messages from the church's weekly newsletter, but he occasionally posts a little something extra. His recent post on the current economic mess as viewed in a Biblical light is quite interesting and enlightening. And I did manage to convince him to post an actual pic of himself, and not his level 70 Dwarf Priest character from WoW... *sigh*

See, honey - I *do* update my blog! Really!!!!!

15 Things I'd Like To Do, Someday

2008-10-11T18:59:00.010-05:00

**stolen from Lori**

A random list...

~ Own a convertible (again)

~ Live in Britain

~ Ride RAGBRAI river to river

~ Have a waterbirth at home

~ Learn to sew, knit and/or crochet

~ Buy a designer pair of jeans have have them look HOT

~ Go skydiving

~ End hunger and poverty worldwide

~ Get all my electricity off the grid (solar, wind, etc)

~ Open a pastry shoppe

~ Go on an archaeological dig in England

~ Learn to take really good photos of my kids

~ Write a book

~ Get LASIK

~ Travel in Asia again

~ Own a hydrogen fuel cell vehicle

Some of these are realistic - some are not. Random, like I said. But I'm in a random mood this evening. *grin* And I'm trying to have a bit more fun with this blogging thing. :-)

So enjoy! And feel free to create your own list...

First Words, First Steps

2008-10-05T17:25:00.005-05:00

The last few weeks have been momentous ones in the short life of Miss Hannah. We have celebrated her Baptism, watched her progress from those first tentative steps to toddling across the family room, and heard her utter her first words. She actually started walking last month, just shy of 9 months. But she's gotten to the point of almost running this week - at 9 1/2 months. Early, yes. But she's got a whole lot to keep up with, and she does her best. She gets all kinds of encouragement from the older kids.

And her first words... She was experimenting with mimicking this summer - night-night, mama, dada, etc. But she now has several real words - du ~ duck, which means both "duck" and "bath" - one of her favorite activities, and voof ~ which applies to any and all furry animals. Odd, b/c we don't have dogs, just 2 cats. Still, everything is a "voof." Oh - I almost forgot one more - MMMMMMM ~ food, said particularly when she notices someone eating real food, and she decides that she wants some, too. She also uses this sometimes when she wants to nurse, but usually, her cues for that involve either a head-butt to my boobs or whimpering.

She signs, too - all done, please, and more... But I really need to be teaching her some other ones. She picks them up so quickly, and it's fun to communicate with her.

And just because I can (or more accurately, to see if I can), I'm including a video of Hannah's first attempts at walking. This was from a couple of weeks ago - around the last week of September. Excuse the fact that it's sideways. I couldn't figure out how to rotate it. I'm just beginning to shoot some video with my camera, and I haven't gotten to the editing part...

Thanks for indulging me!