Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Going Through the Motions


This song by Matthew West (lyrics) sums up my life, pretty well, at the moment. Throughout the winter, and into the spring, I have been fighting (and mostly losing) a battle with inertia. Every time I hear it, it really hits me. How often do we just go through the motions, just trying to get through the day? Or, in some cases, the hour?

I find myself coming back to a book study group that I belonged to, at our sending parish, St. Timothy's, WDM, led by Rev. Jean Willis (a wonderful priest, and the first ordained Episcopal woman in Iowa). We were reading Margaret Guenther's The Practice of Prayer (HIGHLY recommended, if you're interested...), and I was deeply touched by a couple of her of her chapters entitled, "Finding God in the Ordinary - your kitchen will teach you everything" and "Prayer and Parenting - how to pray when the baby is keeping you up." I devoured her words, filled with sage and practical advice. What has stayed with me, almost 10 years after first reading that book, is what a blessing it it to seek and find God in the everyday-edness of our lives, that simple, mundane tasks can become a devotion, and an anthem of praise, and that even the act of caring for a child can become a prayer.

I have lost much of that passion over the last few months, and I really feel the loss. I don't want to just be "going through the motions" of my day. I really want to be aware, passionately aware, of the presence of God in every facet of my life. In the diaper-changing, juice-cleaning-up, laundry-folding recesses of my daily mundane-ness. Because if I can be passionately aware of His presence there, how much more will I be able to live a witness in the bigger moments? I truly want to live my life having given everything to His service. Jesus gave everything for me. I owe it to give everything to Him. I want to live with no regrets - no wondering if, somehow, somewhere, I missed an opportunity to be salt and light, because I was too focused on things that didn't really matter. I truly want to live my life with His passion inside of me, and have that be reflected in everything in my life, no matter how seemingly insignificant.

Sure, I will still make mistakes, and my priorities will still be out of whack. But He has promised to redeem that. I just want to give everything. All of it. And relish living my life in the knowledge that I left it all on the field, nothing held back, for His sake.

Now, I just have to get off the couch...

View Matthew West's own video of the song HERE. Slightly different emphasis, chronicling his own struggle with throat surgery.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Well. So Much For That...

I had planned to begin my return to the Mommy Blogosphere with a nice, thoughtful post, articulating all the reasons for my absence, and my resolve for the future. *sigh* But, alas, the best laid plans...

I was up most of the night with a congested Hannah, who couldn't nurse... So I began the day a little behind the curve. But in spite of that, I managed to get my workout in, and get a shower, in preparation for Eucharist and the start of Brian's book study on The Shack. But I missed Eucharist, because Hannah had fallen asleep during my shower, and I decided she needed the sleep.  And had to leave the book study early, because there was no one to watch the David and Hannah, and they just weren't content to play by themselves in the nursery...   It lasted for about an hour before they started fussing, loudly, in the nursery, and then Hannah wanted to run all over the parish Hall, and David wanted to have conversations with everyone... So I thought it best o pack up quietly and slip out... Oh - Hannah puked all over herself in the car just as I was buckling her in to go to church, and again, as I was putting her down for a nap. Nailed me good, that second time... Ick. Oh, the joys of motherhood... And the same congestion that was making her tummy hurt also made her velcro-baby, so I spent most of the rest of the day toting her around.

All this to say... I'm not in much of a pondering mood, at the moment... And yes. I'd love some cheese with my whine... *grin* So, yes. I'm back. And I intend to really be back, this time. I've missed the writing. And I've missed you.

Welcome back. And hopefully, I'll be more coherent tomorrow. And more rested. We'll see...

Wednesday, April 22, 2009