Exhaustion

I. Am. Exhausted.  Past weary.  Beyond tired.  Exhausted.  

It's been a long time since I've felt like this.  Not even in those hazy days of my babymoons, lost in the newborn fog can I remember feeling like this.  The closest I can come compares to having 2 or 3 toddlers and being pg again.  I suppose it's because all of the events of the last week and a half have come crashing down, and  it's all sinking in.  I must tell you, I have gained a tremendous amount of respect for those moms and dads who have sick children.  The worry, the stress, the confusion of all the different drs and specialties... It all weighs on you.  More than you initially realize.  And when Brian and I sat down together over the weekend, we looked at each other, and, for the first time, realized just exactly *what* we'd been through.  

At first, you're just concerned with getting through it - with making sure that your child is ok, finding out what is wrong, and how it's going to be fixed.  And then, there's the background clutter of trying to keep the rest of the family on as normal a course as possible, b/c even through events like this, life goes on.  And there are people to be fed, clothes to wash, homework to check...  All the while, contemplating what is going on with your sick, injured child.  It's HARD.  Perhaps one of the hardest things I've ever done.

And what strikes me is that, for the most part, Nathan's going to be just fine.  He'll require extensive reconstructive dental work, and may never be able to eat corn on the cob or bite onto an apple again, but, for all that, he's alive, and recovering remarkably well.  If you didn't know, you wouldn't know.  It could have been so much worse, and for that I thank God every day.  My heart goes out to all those strong mommies and daddies who are faced with sick children every day.  I truly don't know how they do it.

So, long story short, that whole long list of chores and projects that we had planned for the long weekend - none of them got done.  Brian and I simply spent time with the kids, doing nothing.  Being normal.  And we actually had something of a "date night" - with Hannah - but still, the first one in AGES.  It was nice.  We reconnected in a way we hadn't in a long time - getting to just *be* with each other.

So I guess it might take me as long to recover from this as it does my son. Yet another thing no one prepares you for in the realm of parenthood...  But for now, I'm simply thankful that he's healing well, and hopefully, so am I.