Wordless Wednesday ~ Twins?????

Reflections on my daughter, and myself...

Last week, Sarah got herself contacts. A VERY big day in her thirteen-year-old life. Well, she didn't exactly get them herself, but rather, her father and I provided them for her. I cannot even begin to tell you how excited she is. Still. Almost a week later.

I know exactly how she feels. I was once in her shoes - the awkward young teenager, fumbling into adolescence, complete with gangly limbs and plastic-rimmed glasses. But I must confess that Sarah is much less of a dorky girl that I was. She's actually pretty, and much more self-assured than I was at her age. I hope that means I'm doing something right...

I HATED my glasses. I had to get them in 3rd grade, but I probably needed them sooner. And, being one of the smarter girls in the class, wearing glasses did SO MUCH for my social life. *insert sarcastic-smilie here...* I was no longer pretty - I was just geeky-looking. The day I got contacts, everything changed. It was, literally, one of those places along the journey that transformed the entire course of my life. I was still the gangly, unsure kid, but I was no longer handicapped by glasses. Just those darned braces... *rolls eyes* I felt normal again, like I'd been given a precious gift. It all sounds so trite and vain, now, I suppose. But I still feel it, deep inside.

And I saw it on Sarah's face. The joy, the freedom, that she now carries with her. I remember it, as if it were yesterday. She no longer has to worry about losing her glasses during a snowball fight, and she can cook without her lenses fogging up. But one thing was missing... getting contacts didn't change how she saw herself. They just changed the way the world sees her. I wish I would have had her inner strength as a child, to be so sure of who I was, and not have been so insecure.

God bless you, my daughter. May I learn more from you as we grow together on this journey - mother and daughter, and one day, friends.

Wordless Wednesday - The Gift of Christmas Peace

Babymooning...

The last almost-seven weeks (gosh, has it been that long already????) have been wonderful. And exhausting. And peaceful. And absolute chaos. In other words, I've just had a baby. And I've been reflecting, as I've exited that 40-day period of post-partum stupor, on just exactly how blessed I am to have been able to babymoon for the sixth time. Really, I mean, how many other women get to do that? Or are crazy enough to even contemplate it??? Not to mention that this babymoon took place over the holidays, something I have not done since my first (Sarah was an early December baby).

There were times when I did feel a little resentful (ok, in my hormonal haze, it was probably MORE than a little...) that I wasn't able to get all the rest that I thought I needed, due to having to mother 5 other kids and tend to the household alone, b/c the Christmas season is notorious for making temporary widows of clergy wives. *sigh* But Hannah is such a little sweetie, and the other kids are so well-behaved in general, that my life has been able to return to more-or-less what it was before adding another wee one into the mix. And I haven't suffered too much.

Now, there was more than one occasion when the kids ate ramen noodles for dinner more than they ought, and I allowed them to watch more TV or have extra snacks, simply b/c I was too tired to get off the couch and do something about it. But I kinda think we're all entitled to a little of that, every now and again, right????? And not as many Christmas cookies were made, and not all the decorating got done. And even some of the traditional stocking stuffers were forgotten (BAD Santa.....). But we all made it through, and I don't even know if anyone, besides me, really noticed.

But soon, too soon, my baby will no longer be a newborn. And I will no longer have the luxury of spending the entire day in my jammies, eating nothing but chocolate and cookies, b/c the baby wouldn't let me do anything else. And I'll have to chase her away from the cat food, and down from the table. So I think I'll just enjoy the rest of this sleep-deprived fog, and snuggle up with my babies - all 6 of them. As long as no one minds that I haven't showered recently, and I smell faintly of spit-up, and that it's ramen noodles for dinner, again.

Happy babymoon!

Hannah's Birth Story

We had just gotten into bed about 20 minutes before, and I felt what I first thought was a big kick, Except that it also kind of went "POP" on the inside. So out of curiousity, I went into the bathroom, and lo and behold, there was a gush into the toilet. So I walked back over to the bed and told Brian - "Don't go to sleep yet - I think my water just broke." He had JUST started to snore...

So at about midnight I called the MW to let her know I was coming in. The ctx were coming about every 6 minutes, and were stopping me in my tracks. By the time we got to the hospital (15 minute trip) they were 4 minutes apart. Went to the ER to be admitted, and from there to a triage room in L&D. I felt awful by this point, The ctx were basically one on top of the other, and I would get a break only about every 3-4 ctx. I was 5cm and 80%, 0 station when they checked me, which kinda upset me, b/c I thought I'd be further along than that, b/c by now I was shaking - you know, like how you get during transition. So the MW finally gets there about 20 mintues later, and when SHE checked me, I was 7 with a tiny bit of lip. Wow. So she sent the nurse to the tub room to start filling it for me.

Oh - and while all this is going on in triage, Brian has to disappear several times back down to admitting, to re-fill out all the paperwork, b/c they apparently lost the stuff that I sent in. And the girl at the desk couldn't read or spell, b/c he kept having to go back down to fix mistakes. It took them 3 tries to get our name spelled right - which was a continuing theme of the night. Had to have our bracelets redone 3 times.... But I digress...

So I finally get into the room, and get into the tub. Ladies, I HIGHLY recommend laboring in water. O.M.G. It was the best thing EVER. (Of course I've never had an epidural, though... ) I started out just sitting. But the MW kept telling me to listen to my body, and I eventually got down into a squat, kind of leaning on the side of the tub. It was just the most absolutely wonderful thing to be able to move however I needed to. So completely different from any of my other labors... The water was warm, and just soooooo relaxing.

The MW wanted to check me - she could tell I was getting close, and I asked her to check me before I got out of the tub. Didn't want to leave my tub... So she did, and said that I just had one little bit of lip left. She thought I should get out and push, and that it wouldn't take too much.

So I did. I got to the bed, and didn't even bother putting a gown back on. She told me to find a comfortable position, so I got on my hands and knees, leaning on the head of the bed. And slowly started to push. It was all on my own time - no counting, just me bringing her down. Now, this is where it got bad. I have this nerve bundle that goes wacky when I push. It makes my right butt cheek cramp, and my right foot go numb. And it hurt MORE to push through that pain than to actually push the baby out. So I kept having to stop, and wait for it to get bearable. She was actually crowning when I had to stop. I waited through 3 more ctx, slowly grunting little pushes, until she was right there, and I could finally push through it. 3 intense pushes later, and she was born, with me still on my hands and knees. And I didn't tear. AT ALL. Almost 9 pounds of baby, and an intact perenium. I love my midwife... And it was wonderful to push her out that way. Kinda strange looking, I imagine, but it worked. They passed her up through my legs, and I flipped over, and I got to cut the cord. It took her about 10-15 minutes of her just sniffing at my breast, but then she latched on and nursed for about 20-30 minutes. Her APGARs were 8 and 9, I think.

It was the most wonderful birth experience I could have ever asked for. First and foremost, it was FAST. 2 1/2 hours, start to finish. Love that. My MW was great. No IV, pain meds, or interventions. No complications. No back labor. And no tearing. It was truly a miracle.

I want to thank each and every one of you for all of your support, prayers, and PTs throughout this last year - through the m/c, my pg, and now, this miraculous birth. You will never know how much it has all meant to me. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart. You are the best.

Any Day Now....

Yes, we are ready. And according to the midwife, it could be any day now. I've started to dilate, so we're good to go. baby is still head-down, nice and low. So now we wait. Patiently. Is such a thing possible?

With all the world looking at my belly, in its obvious state of ripeness, the questions just don't end. You're still here? You should have popped by now! Aren't you uncomfortable????? When *were* you due, exactly? Yeah, it's getting a bit tiresome, explaining that no, I'm not officiallly due for a few more days. Yes, I'm still here. No, I'm not that particularly uncomfortable - it's all relative, anyway, at this stage of the game. I know these well-meaning people do care, but all you really need to tell a pregnant woman in her last few weeks is how good she looks, and how well she's carrying. There's really nothing else that you need to say to her. Unless you want to spring for a foot massage for her... *grin*

So, faithful readers, stay tuned. Not much longer, now....

All Ready to Go...

So we had our 38 week mw appt last Friday. This was the ONE WHERE WE TALK ABOUT MY ALTERNATIVES. Or, more realistically, where they try to convince me to agree to a c-section b/c the baby is breech. *rolls eyes* I saw the less-experienced mw (there are 3 in the practice), who was quite obviously uncomfortable about having to broach this subject with me, because she knew how I felt. So she sits with my chart in hand, silently, for like 3 minutes before she gets up the nerve to say anything.

Finally, she comes over to start the exam, and lo and behold, the child has flipped, and is now head down, ready to make its grand entrance into the world. Miracle of miracles - some babies DO still flip at 38 weeks! *does happy dance* So both she and I are visibly relieved, and the rest of the appt goes by without a hitch.

So thank you all for every single prayer and PT that you sent up on our behalf. It worked!!!!!!!

So now we wait. I've always gone early, but I figure since I lost some prep time while Wee One was breech, that I might be late this time. I'm ok with that, as long as I still get to go natural, and as long as it's not late enough to interfere with Thanksgiving. I don'treally want to eat the hospital's version of a turkey dinner, KWIM?????

My baby preparations are pretty much all done, with the one major exception of the bassinet, which will arrive with my mom later this week. It's a family heirloom, and all the babies have started their lives in it. But everything is washed, put away, and waiting for the new arrival.

And I have begun to give Wee One a new nickname - Wiggleworm. It is just still squirming around in there, ready to meet everyone. But not quite yet.

So we wait. And are thankful. And wonder at the miracle of it all....